The many ways to kill Jaken and Kikyo!
by The Saiyan
Summary: The title sayes it all! Final chapter comming soon
1. Chapter 1

The Saiyan: Behold! My second story and my first Inuyasha one too! This story will be different. You, yes you, the loyal readers can send the ways that you kill Jaken by sending them too me by e-mail or in your reviews. One author or authoress tale of killing Jaken or Kikyo per chapter and you CAN KILL THEM BOTH IN THE SAME STORY! Just kill ether one or both of them in any style of your choosing, send them in to me, and it will become a chapter! Now, with that done, lets start the story containing Inuyasha (Which I don't own EXCEPT FOR THE HYPER DEMON! I OWN THE TRANSFORMATION OF THE HYPER DEMON!) started.  
  
The Saiyan: JOY 2 THE WORLD JAKEN IS DEAD!  
  
Jaken: Hay I'm not dead  
  
The Saiyan: Yet  
  
Jaken: You can't kill me  
  
The Saiyan: Why?  
  
Jaken: Cause it's in my contract (pulls out contract) See. Right there.  
  
The Saiyan: Not if I use these (pulls out dragonballs) Arise Shenlong!  
  
(Shenlong appears)  
  
Shenlong: What are your 2 wishes  
  
The Saiyan: I wish that Jakens contract were now in void  
  
Shenlong: It has been granted. What is your other wish?  
  
Jaken: Damn  
  
The Saiyan: I wish that Inuyasha and Kagome where transported here  
  
Shenlong: It has been for-filled. Farewell  
  
(Disappears & dragonballs fly away)  
  
(Inu & Kag appear)  
  
Inuyasha: What the hell?  
  
The Saiyan: I'll explain later. How about you help me kill Jaken  
  
Inu: Sure!  
  
The Saiyan: Follow me  
  
1/2 an hour later  
  
The Saiyan: OK Inu. Ready?  
  
Inu: You bet  
  
The Saiyan: (Goes super saiyan3)  
  
Inu: (Goes hyper demon)  
  
Both: FUSION HA!  
  
INUYAIHASHA: Time to die Jaken! HYPER BURNING SOUL STEELIER!  
  
Kills Jaken  
  
INUYAIHASHA: Well that was fun!  
  
Fusion wears off  
  
Inu: Now what?  
  
The Saiyan: Simple. Now we go off and find your brother so that he can revive Jaken again.  
  
Kagome: But why would you want to revive him again?  
  
The Saiyan: 2 kill him again  
  
Inu: Makes sense to me  
  
The Saiyan: Well, I have to go find him now. Why don't you 2 go off and do what couples do  
  
Kag: (Blushing) We're not a couple!  
  
The Saiyan: Sure your not...........  
  
Kag: (Blushing even more) We're not!  
  
Inu: (Starting to blush) Ya!  
  
The Saiyan: Sure. Lets ask the readers and see what they think and if they want you two to kiss in the next chapter.  
  
Inu and Kag: WHAT!?!?!  
  
The Saiyan: And that's all I feel like typing today. And don't forget to review, send me your ideas of how to kill Kikyo and/or Jaken, to vote if Inu and Kag should kiss, and who should appear in the commentary next time. See ya! 


	2. Chapter 2

The Saiyan: Hi and welcome back, all you loyal readers, to The Many Ways to Kill Kikyo and Jaken!  
  
Inuyasha: Yay!  
  
The Saiyan: Yes, and joining me in commentary today, are Koga and fellow authoress, 0oSappireo0!  
  
(Koga appears)  
  
(0oSapphireo0 appears)  
  
0oSapphireo0: KOGA! (Gives Koga a bear hug)  
  
Koga: (Turning blue) C-can't B-breath........  
  
0oSapphireo0: (Lets go) Oops.  
  
The Saiyan: Well, lets get this chapter started. Oh, and I do not own Inuyasha. In fact, I don't even own the idea for this chapter. That belongs to 0oSapphireo0.  
  
(Both Kikyo and Jaken are standing under a very very tall tree in a  
lighting storm)  
  
(A lighting bolt hits the tree)  
  
(Tree falls down)  
  
Jaken and Kikyo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!  
  
(Tree hits them both but only kills Jaken by crushing his bones)  
  
Kikyo: (Crawls from under the tree. Looks at jaken) OH MY GOWD! THEY KILLED JAKEN!  
  
Random People: YAY!  
  
Kikyo: 0_o  
  
(Kikyo then walks to the edge of a conveniently placed cliff)  
  
(0oSapphireo0 comes from behind, pushes Kikyo off cliff)  
  
Kikyo:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
0oSapphireo0: (Somehow magically appears at the bottom and catches her.) (Takes her to the tree that she shot Inuyasha at.) (Shoots her with a sacred arrow and pins her to the tree) HA! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT YOU NO GOOD DIRTY ROTTEN-um..*ahem*  
  
Koga: (Walks up from behind her) That's gotta hurt.  
  
0oSapphireo0: (Turns around) KOGA! (Puts him in another bear hug)  
  
Koga: (Turning blue again)  
  
The Saiyan: Uh, 0oSapphireo0, I don't think he can breath.  
  
Inu: Good!  
  
Kag: (Sweet voice) Inuyasha............  
  
Inu: Uh oh  
  
Kag: SIT!  
  
Boom;  
  
Inu: @_@  
  
0oSapphireo0: (Lets go of him): Oops. Gomen Koga  
  
Koga: @_@  
  
The Saiyan: Well, that's it for chapter 2 of The Many Ways To Kill Jaken And Kikyo. But before we end, The readers have spoken. Inu and Kag get to kiss!  
  
Kag: WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!11  
  
Inu: (Gets up) You can't be serious!  
  
Kag: (Looks hurt) Why? What's wrong with kissing me?  
  
Inu: GOMEN Kag. I didn't mean it like that. GOMEN GOMEN!  
  
The Saiyan: Well, it sounds to me that you 2 do want to kiss.  
  
Inu & Kag: (Start blushing like mad)  
  
Koga: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
Kag: SHUT UP YOU WIMPY WOLF!  
  
Inu: Kagome.....................  
  
0oSapphireo0: She's DEFINITELY been around Inuyasha too long.  
  
Koga: (nods in agreement)  
  
The Saiyan: Well, what are you 2 waiting for? Hurry up so that we can get this chapter over with. (Looks at Inu and Kag only too find that they've been making out already and are still going at it) Uh, how long have they been like that?  
  
0oSapphireo0: (Looks at her watch) I'd say for about 5 minutes now.  
  
The Saiyan: (Anime sweat-drop) OK then. Well, that's it. Now you can vote for which Inuyasha couple shall appear in the commentary. And don't forget to send in your ideas and to review. See ya! 


	3. Chapter 3

The Saiyan: Konnichiwa! I'm back and joining me today is author Inuddam. And you all voted, and the Inu couple joining me today is Miroku and Sango!  
  
Sango: We are not a couple! I don't even like that hentai!  
  
The Saiyan: Really? Well, if I remember correctly, the first time we meet you said, and I quote 'What I don't understand is how anyone can like him. (Thought bubble) (Thought bubble burst, replaced by speaking) Well, I' (Sango covers my mouth) mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmffffffffffffffffffffffmfmf  
  
Miroku: You what, lady Sango?  
  
Sango: (Turning red) Nothing, Houshi-sama.  
  
The Saiyan: Sadly, I own nothing. This plot was done by Inuyddam. Not me. Now that that's settled, let's get on with the story!  
  
(Jaken is sleeping near an open closet)  
(Kikyo walks by, trips over Jaken)  
(Both stumbles into the closet)  
(Door shuts and locks them in there.)  
  
Kikyo: Great. I'm locked inside a closet with that filthy toad  
  
Jaken: It's not that bad.  
  
Kikyo: And how is that?  
  
Jaken: Well, at least I get to do this! (Kisses Kikyo)  
  
Kikyo: _ (Dies from the fact that Jaken kills her)  
  
Jaken: (Pokes her dead body) Oops.  
  
(Suddenly Sessy comes in and frees them, revives Kikyo with the Tensiga)  
  
Kikyo: I'm alive! (Remembers what Jaken did to her.) WHY YOU LITTLE................ (Grabs an enchanted arrow and shoots it at Jaken)  
  
Jaken: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Arrow backfires and pins Kikyo to a tree)  
  
Jaken: Hu? (Looks over at Kikyo) YAY!  
  
(Suddenly Inuyddam comes from out of nowhere and shoots a baglion arrows in  
her heart, I mean, black void)  
  
Inuyddam: (Walks up to Jaken) You know, Sessy really likes it when you call him fluffy.  
  
Jaken: Really?  
  
Inuyddam: Yes. Go ahead and see for yourself.  
  
Sessy: Jaken, we are leaving  
  
Jaken: Yes, Fluffy-sama  
  
Sessy: HOW DARE YOU DEGRADE MY NAME! (Turns into his full demon form and kills Jaken)  
  
Inuyddam: Sesssy. I'll make you a deal. If you revive Jaken then I'll kill him so slow that it'll take him a long time to die.  
  
Sessy: Fine with me. (Revives Jaken)  
  
Jaken: Thank you master.  
  
Inuyddam: TAKE THIS YOU UGLY TOAD! (Jumps on Jaken's ugly head)  
(10 years later)  
  
Inuyddam: (Finaly stops jumping on Jaken) (Throws him in a tank full of pharuna.)  
  
Jaken: HELP ME!  
  
(Gets pulled out before he dies and gets thrown into a tank full of sharks)  
  
(Sharks are attracted by the scent of Jaken's blood and eat the remains of  
Jaken)  
  
Inuyddam: (Quickly grabs Kikyo and throws her in the tank as well)  
  
Everyone: (watching her becoming shark food)HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Inuyddam: I LOVE HIEI!  
  
Kag: Inu's better then Hiei!  
  
Inuyddam:IS NOT!  
  
Kag: IS TOO!  
  
Everyone else: 0_o  
  
The Saiyan: Well, that's all now we can..........  
  
(Miroku grabs Sango's ass)  
  
Sango: HENTIA! ;WACK; ( Hits Miroku with the Hiraikotsu)  
  
Miroku: @_@  
  
The Saiyan: Do you think he'll ever learn?  
  
Inu: I doubt it. BUT HE HAD BETTER KEEP HIS HANDS OFF MY KAGOME!  
  
The Saiyan: Well, considering the fact that he has Sango for a lover, I doubt that he'll go after YOUR Kagome.  
  
Inu: Ya, you're right.  
  
Sango: (Blushing) We are not lovers!  
  
The Saiyan: Hay Sango, you're a little red in the face area.  
  
Inu: (Snickers)  
  
Sango: (Blushes even more)  
  
Miroku: @_@  
  
The Saiyan: Well, that's all. And I have a song-type-thingy that also came with this idea. I don't own that eather.  
  
I was walkin along  
  
on a moon lit bay  
  
I saw jakens face  
  
and died right away!  
  
It was soo ugly  
  
It made Max barf  
  
And we all killed him  
  
Cuz he's soo ugly!  
  
What a way to end it!  
  
Joy to the world the evil peice of scub that didn't deserve to be killed once but a bagillion times is dead! In other words Kikyo!!  
  
Yep...um... Bi!!  
  
Maddy  
  
inuyddam  
  
The Saiyan: Well, there you go. Will Sango ever admit her love for Miroku? You decide that. (Sango: We are not lovers!) And don't forget to review! ja ne!  
  
Sessy: And you had better review or you'll have to deal with me! 


	4. Chapter 4

The Saiyan: Hay there. Welcome back to The Many Ways to Kill Kikyo and Jaken! Presenting today's killing is ssjinpan2!  
  
Kag: In the last chappie you where asked if Sango was to reveal her love for Miroku, but sadly, nobody answered it.  
  
Sango: WE ARE NOT LOVERS!  
  
Inu: Anyways, let's get on with the story.  
  
Miroku: Well, we can't do that with out the disclaimer, now can we?  
  
Sango: Then do it Houshi-sama  
  
Miroku: As you wish, my love. (Kisses Sango)  
  
Sango: (First surprised, then starts kissing back)  
  
Inu and Kag: AWE!  
  
Sango: (Breaks up kiss and starts blushing)  
  
Miroku: Wow!  
  
Sango: (Blushes even more)  
  
Inu: OK. I'LL do the Disclaimer. The Saiyan does not own Inuyasha, or the ideas in Chapter 2, 3, and this one.  
  
(Kikyo is wondering around, looking for more souls to steal)  
  
(Jaken, being the stupid toad that he is, is following her.)  
  
(Inuyasha shows up)  
  
Jaken: Oh, L-l-lord Inuyasha! A pleasure it is to see you again!  
  
Kikyo: At last, my love has returned to me!  
  
Inu: Sorry, wench. My only love is Kagome! NOW DIE AND BURN IN ETERNAL HELL!  
  
Kikyo: W-w-w-what?!  
  
Inu: Iron Rever Soul Stealer!!  
  
(Kills Kikyo, looks at Jaken)  
  
Inu: Now it's your turn to die!  
  
Jaken: But Lord Inuyasha, what have I done to deserve this?  
  
Inu: Well, for being there. Need I say more?  
  
Jaken: But.....................  
  
Inu: Iron reaper soul steelier!!  
  
(Kills Jaken, looking pleased with himself.)  
  
(Suddenly Seshie comes out of no where and revives them)  
  
Inu: HAY! I'm gonna kick your ass for that!  
  
Seshie: We'll see about that, little brother.  
  
(Inu and Seshie begin to fight)  
  
Kikyo: I'm alive! Again!  
  
Jaken: Me too! And I'm a lot better looking then Fluffy-sama could ever dream to be!  
  
Kikyo: And it's not our faults that we are better then you guys. You both do wear make-up after all.  
  
(A distant rumbling noise is heard)  
  
Kikyo: What was that?  
  
(Suddenly all the anime fans of Inuyasha runs into the scene, being lead by  
ssjinpan2, and runs over Kikyo and Jaken in the process of getting to Inu  
and Sess to glomp them.)  
  
ssjinpan2: (Takes out wand) Now, I'll banish you to the fiery pits of hell from whence you came from! (Banishes them) Yay! (glomps Inu and Sess some more.) Kawaii puppies...  
  
Inu & Sess: . Can't..breathe..  
  
Me: ^_^_^_^_^_^__^_^_^_^_^_^  
  
The Saiyan: Wow, Kagome. I'd thought that you would had killed ssjinpan2 for groping Inu  
  
Kag: Well, I was, but who could resist doing it? You can't really blame her for doing it.  
  
Inu: Hay, where are Sango and Miroku? (Hears loud noises coming from the closet.) 0_0  
  
The Saiyan: Well, I think that (is interrupted by a loud moan) 0_ o answers that. And that's the end of Chapter 4..........  
  
(Suddenly Miroku and Sango fall out of the closet, Sango's hair sticking up  
everywhere and Miroku's robes half on, half off.)  
  
Inu: Well, I'd hate to interrupt your fun,  
  
Kag: But while you two where busy,  
  
The Saiyan: We had ended this chapter. So, Miroku, if you're done having your fun, would you like to end this for me?  
  
Miroku: (Perverted grin on his face) Why, of course I would. (Grabs Sango's ass)  
  
Sango; HENTIA! NOT IN PUBLIC! ;WACK!; (Hits him with her Hiraikotsu)  
  
Miroku: @_@  
  
Inu: In PUBLIC, Sango? (Oh, I stole the Not in public thing from the story Oswari! By EnaChan. You should read it. It's a pretty good story!)  
  
Sango: (Blushes even more)  
  
The Saiyan: Where was I? Oh ya. The end of Chapter 4 is upon us. So don't forget to review. Ja-ne! 


	5. Chapter 5

The Saiyan: Hello, all you loyal readers out there. I'm back and I have a new chapter with me! The idea for this one belongs to Sappire M. Also, I start school tomorrow, so I'll try and up-date whenever I get the chance to.  
  
Kag: Man, I hate school! All that homework, and, well, I just hate it!  
  
Inu: Ya, me too!  
  
The Saiyan: But, Inu, do you even know what school is?  
  
Inu: That's besides the point!  
  
Kag: Then how can you hate it?  
  
Inu: Because it makes you leave me.  
  
The Saiyan: AWE! How cute!  
  
Kag: (face is a little pink) Shut up! Do you really mean it, Inu-chan?  
  
Inu: Yes, I do. (Pulls Kag into a deep kiss)  
  
Kag: (Responds back)  
  
(Sango and Miroku walk in)  
  
(Inu & Kag break up kiss)  
  
Sango: Oh, hi Kagome. So, when are you too going to get married?  
  
Inu: On the same day that you and Miroku do.  
  
Miroku: That can be arranged.  
  
Sango: MIROKU?!?! (Is blushing many shades of red)  
  
The Saiyan: Lets get this chapter started.  
  
Sango: (Nods in agreement)  
  
(Sesshomaru is walking around in his forest, looking for someone to kill.)  
  
(Hears a ruffling inside a bush)  
  
Sesshomaru: Rin, go back to the castle, now.  
  
Rin: OK, Fluffy-Sama (Starts skipping back to the castle)  
  
Sesshomaru: (Thinking) I hate it when she says that. If my Hanyou of a brother was to find out, I'll never live it down) (Hears hushed voices coimg from the bush)  
  
Jaken: Ai Shiteru, Kikyo  
  
Kikyo: Ai Shiteru, Jaken  
  
Sesshomaru: Trying to mate with a mortal, Jaken? How pitiful.  
  
Jaken: (Comes out of the bushes.) Oh, Lord Sesshomaru, how nice it is to see you again. And what do you mean by trying to mate with a filthy human? I don't know what you are talking about.  
  
Sesshomaru: You are lying. Now you will die for your betrayal. (Kills Jaken with his poisonous claws.) Now it is your turn to die Kikyo.  
  
Kikyo: (Comes out of same bushes) How did you know I was there?  
  
Sesshomaru: Let me give you some advice. Next time you go and try to hide, make sure to close your legs. The smell was atrocious.  
  
Kikyo: (Face is red from anger) Why you, you  
  
Sesshomaru: You die! (Kills Kikyo with poisonous claws)  
  
(Rin comes from out of the castle)  
  
Rin: Can Rin stay with Rins Fluffy-Sama now?  
  
Sesshomaru: (Annoyed at his nickname) Yes, Rin. Lets get going.  
  
The Saiyan: Well that ends another chapter. And also, by request of Sappire M., Sango and Miroku get to make out for a good hour.  
  
Sango: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Kag: Enough talking. (Pushes Sango into a closet.)  
  
Inu: You heard him. (Shoves Miroku into same closet)  
  
The Saiyan: The readers want it, and the readers are going to get it. (Locks closet) And don't even try to use your wind-tunnel, Miroku. This closet is sealed so that it will not work, and also it's saiyan proof, so there's no way of breaking it down.  
  
Inu: Now what?  
  
The Saiyan: Well, we wait until an hour's up, and let them out.  
  
Kag: So, what will we do until then?  
  
The Saiyan: Well, you could Osuwari Inu till the hour is up.  
  
Inu: WHAT?!?!?!?!  
  
Kag: Osuwari Osuwari Osuwari Osuwari Osuwari Osuwari Osuwari  
(An hour later)  
  
Kag: Osuwari!  
  
Inu: (crawling out of a really big crater) Is an hour up yet?  
  
The Saiyan: Yep. (Unlocks closet door and opens it)  
  
Everyone 0_0  
  
(Inside closet is Sango, shirtless, on top of Miroku, making out)  
  
Miroku: (Notices everyone) Just give us a minute. (Shuts door)  
  
Inu: Well........................  
  
Kag: That was.............................  
  
The Saiyan: Unexpected.  
  
Inu: Let's just end this.  
  
The Saiyan: Hai. Well, that's it Don't forget to review, and should Koga make a reappearance in commentary? You decide that. Ja ne! 


	6. Chapter 6

The Saiyan: Hay there. I'm back and I managed to get this chapter done!  
  
Kag: Where's Miroku and Sango?  
  
Inu: Oh, they're in the shower.  
  
Kag: Which one?  
  
The Saiyan: Both  
  
Kag: Oh.  
  
Miyami: Hello! (Sesshomaru comes behind her)  
  
Sesshomaru: Hello, little brother.  
  
Inu: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? AGAIN?  
  
Sesshomaru: (Points to Miyami) Why, she wanted me to.  
  
Kag: Who is she?  
  
Miyami: Oh. Sorry about that. Hi! I'm the mighty authoress Miyami and I'm here because this is my idea and because of my Fluffy-sama!  
  
Sesshomaru: FLUFFY-SAMA!?!?  
  
Kag & Inu: (On the ground) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The Saiyan: And from now on, Sesshomaru will now be known as Fluffy-sama.  
  
Sesshomaru aka Fluffy-sama: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!  
  
The Saiyan: I'm the author. I can do what ever I want.  
  
Fluffy-sama: Chikuso.  
  
The Saiyan: Well, lets get on to killing Kikyo!  
  
Miyami: Yay!  
  
The Saiyan: Oh, Inu, can you do the disclaimer? I would have Miroku do it but he's um, how can I put it? Busy, at the moment.  
  
Inu: Sure, The Saiyan does not own Inuyasha. If he did, you would see more Miroku/Sango moments.  
  
(Kagome just made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.)  
  
Inu: Hay Kagome.  
  
Kag: (Puts her pb 'n' j sandwich down.) What do you want, Inuyasha?  
  
Inu: I want you to find out where Shippo is hiding and get my cloths from him.  
  
Kag: (Trying hard not to blush as images go through her mind) (Thinking) I must have been around Miroku too long. (Talking) But what about Miroku?  
  
Inu: Well, Him and Sango went into a nearby village.  
  
Kag: Ok, I'm going. (Leaves)  
  
(Kikyo appears)  
  
(Finds Kagome's sandwich and steals it.)  
  
Kikyo: Now I'll be able to get rid of that girl, and Inuyasha will finally be mine! (Pulls out poison powder and starts sprinkling it on the sandwich 'till the bottles empty.)  
  
Kikyo: (Still sprinkling) I just HAD to by the Family pack, didn't I? (Doesn't notice the entire village is watching, including Shippo, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, and a now fully clothed Inuyasha)  
  
Kikyo; (Bottles finally empty) It's about time!  
  
Kagome: (Whispering) What's she doing to my food?  
  
Inu: (Whispering back) Looks like she's putting poison powder on it.  
  
Miroku: (Also whispering) But where did she get such a large bottle of it?  
  
Inu: e-bay  
  
Kikyo: (Looks at the sandwich) Such strange food. I wonder how it tastes? (Eats the sandwich and chokes on it and dies.)  
  
Everyone: (Just stares, and realizes what had just happened.) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The Saiyan: Well, that's all there is. Also, if I already used your idea and you have another one, go ahead and send it to me! You can kill Kikyo and Jaken as many times as you want! And if I haven't used your idea yet, gomen. I promise that I'll get to them when I get the chance to. All ideas will be used.  
  
Miroku: That's right.  
  
Miyami: Miroku? When did you get here?  
  
Miroku: That doesn't matter. But what does, is why is Sesshomaru here? Again?  
  
Sango: I was wondering the same thing.  
  
Miyami: Oh, he's with me, and his name is now Fluffy-sama.  
  
Sango & Miroku: FLUFFY-SAMA?!?!?!?!? (Falls on the floor laughing)  
  
Fluffy-sama: OK, THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU GUYS!  
  
The Saiyan: Sorry, Fluffy-sama. The only people you can kill is Jaken and/or Kikyo.  
  
Fluffy-sama: I hate you  
  
The Saiyan: I know. Now it's time to end this story. And because no one voted, AGAIN!, Koga isn't here with us. Also I'm glad because I HATE THAT WIMPY WOLF! There, I feel much better now. Anyways, don't forget to review. Ja-ne! 


	7. chapter 7

The Saiyan: Hay! I'm back and I brought with me Megumi Sagara1's idea of killing Jaken and Kikyo!  
  
Inu: YAY! Death to Kikyo!  
  
The Saiyan: And with us today is the Wimpy Wolf! Uh.. I mean Koga  
  
Inu: What's the difference?  
  
The Saiyan: There is none  
  
Inu: Oh.  
  
Koga: Shut up!  
  
Kag: You're just pissed because I'm not your woman.  
  
Inu: Ya! She's mine so if you know what's good for you you'd get the hell away from her.  
  
Koga: Actually, I don't want her anymore.  
  
Inu: You don't?  
  
Koga: Nope  
  
Kag: Then who's the un-lucky girl?  
  
Koga: That would be the beautiful taijiya Sango.  
  
Inu/Kag/The Saiyan: SANGO?!?!?  
  
Koga: Ya. So, where is my woman?  
  
Shippo: (Suddenly shows up out of nowhere) Ya. I haven't seen her since she left with Miroku down to a hot spring. I started to follow but they where making all sorts of scary noises.  
  
Kag: Uh, don't worry about that Shippo.  
  
Shippo: So, what where they doing?  
  
Inu: They were...  
  
Kag: DON'T YOU DARE!  
  
The Saiyan: Well, As much as I would love to tell Shippo what Sango and Miroku are doing, I have to get this chapter started.  
  
Shippo: But what the disclaimer?  
  
The Saiyan: I thought that I would let Kirara do that.  
  
Kirara: mew mew mew (Translation: The Saiyan owns nothing in this chapter)  
  
(Kikyo is walking down a path through a dark and deep forest. Jaken, being  
the stupid toad that he is, is following her.)  
  
Kikyo: Why are you following me? :What did I do to deserve this?:  
  
Jaken: Because ever since Sesshomarou-sama caught me petting his fluffy- tail thingy he banished me.  
  
Kikyo: Oh.  
  
(Soon they came across a clearing and found a thingy there. (Sorry. I have  
NO CLUE as to what Dance Dance Revolution is)  
  
(Jaken went to get a closer look at the thingy.)  
  
Jaken: Lady Kikyo. What to you suppose this thingy is?  
  
Kikyo: Dance Dance Revolution  
  
Jaken: (Looking impressed and shocked) Lady Kikyo. HOW did you know that?  
  
Kikyo: (Points to the sign that says Dance Dance Revolution and has an arrow pointing to the thingy)  
  
Jaken: Oh. Shall we try it then?  
  
Kikyo: If you must.  
  
(Jaken and Kikyo went to the machine and started dancing)  
(An hour later)  
  
Jaken: I'm thirsty  
  
Kikyo: And I'm tired.  
  
(They tried to stop but found out that they couldn't)  
  
Kikyo: What the........  
  
Jaken: Why can't we stop?  
  
(Suddenly Naraku shows up)  
  
Jaken: Naraku! So you're the one who's behind this.  
  
Naraku: Actually, I was looking for Inuyasha and his possy so that I could invite them to my Halloween Party next week  
  
Kikyo: Possy? Never mind. So if you didn't do this then who did?  
  
Naraku: Look at the little sticker by your left foot.  
  
Kikyo: Looks down and reads the sticker) Made in Canada  
  
Jaken: I KNEW IT! THOSE DAMN CANADIANS! (Sorry about that. I have nothing against Canada. Me and many people at my school just like to pick on them)  
  
Naraku: Have fun you 2  
  
(Naraku leaves, leaving Kikyo and Jaken to dance forever)  
  
(500 years later)  
  
Some Dude: (Walking down the same path, singing) Elmos got a gun. Big Bird's on the run. What made Elmo snap? Was he tired of Big Birds crap? (Enters the clearing to find Jaken and Kikyo's skeletons still dancing) Now that's just creepy. (Sees the sticker and reads it) THOSE DAMN CANADIANS!  
  
The Saiyan: And that's it for Chapter 7.  
  
Shippo: Well, as much fun as it was to watch them die, I STILL want to know what Sango and Miroku where doing!  
  
The Saiyan: Hay Shippo. If you can answer this question for me, I'll tell you.  
  
Shippo: OK  
  
The Saiyan: If you take the lives of yourselves in order to save yourself, is it murder?  
  
Inu/Kag/Koga/Kirara/Shippo/Megumi Sagara1/Some Dude/readers: WHAT?  
  
The Saiyan: And again, I am not against Canada. I've been there and it's really cool. Also vote on who your favorite Anime couple should appear. Ja ne! 


	8. Chapter 8

The Saiyan: WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAZZZZZZUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!  
  
Inu: Now lets get on with killing Kikyo and Jaken!  
  
The Saiyan: Yes, but first, I would like to introduce the readers anime couple choice, Sesshomarou and Kagura!  
  
Sesshomarou: We are NOT a couple!  
  
Kagura: YA! And we certinly haven't been secretly sleeping with each other neither!  
  
Sango: Right...........  
  
Miroku: Anyways, The Saiyan owns nothing. Why must fate be so cruel?  
  
Crazy old villager guy: (Walking down the same path that was in the last chapter) Hey! Dancing skeletons! I can make them alive again! (Throws potion on skeletons. Laughs a crazy-person laugh. Walks away singing) boom- boom, ain't it great to be crazy, boom-boom, ain't it great to be crazy, giddy and foolish the whole day through, boom-boom, ain't it great to be crazy!  
  
Kikyo & Jaken: Hey we're alive!  
  
Jaken: Why aren't we dancing anymore?  
  
Kikyo: Looks like the warranty wore out.  
  
(Inu & co. are walking through the forest and see Kikyo & Jaken together)  
  
Inu: Hey! Your not dead anymore! I'll have to fix that...  
  
Kag: Grr! Why can't you 2 just stay dead?!  
  
Cattails: (suddenly appears) Can I help you guys kill them?  
  
Miroku: A neko youkai (cat demon!)  
  
Inu & Kag: Who the hell are you?!  
  
Cattails: She's definitely been around Inuyasha for too long... My name is cattails... and I despise those two filthy scumbags over there...  
  
Kag: Welcome to the team.  
  
Cattails: (uses her magical staff to rip a portal into the seven fiery depths of the underworld) 1 one-way trip to hell, coming right up!  
  
Miroku: Why can't my staff do that?  
  
Sango: Don't worry Miroku... you're talented with OTHER things...  
  
Miroku: Aw, Sango... thank you... (Gropes Sango's butt)  
  
Sango: Miroku! Not in PUBLIC!  
  
Everyone else: *trying not to laugh* (u know that's not mine.)  
  
Cattails: OK, Kikyo and Jaken... step inside... *  
  
Kikyo: Are you crazy? Do you think we would willingly jump into a portal to hell?!  
  
Cattails: (shows claws and fangs) Yes. I think that you would willingly jump in. unless you want me to shred you, and then throw the SCRAPS of you in...  
  
Jaken: Yipe! (Jumps in)  
  
Kikyo: There is no way...  
  
Cattails: (rips Kikyo to smithereens & throws her in)  
  
Inu & Co.: (applause)  
  
Cattails: (curtsies) Thank you! Now I have 2 more things to take care of... (Seals portal)  
  
Kag: what's the other thing?  
  
Cattails: this! (Does the 'Kikyo is finally dead and can burn in hell a billion times' dance) (That dance does not belong to me. It belongs to Choco-penguin from his fic, "so far gone".)  
  
The Saiyan (Joins in)  
  
Kag: And that's all.  
  
Inu: And now we'll let my bastard of a brother end this. (Looks over to see Sesshomarou and Kagura coming out of a closet.)  
  
Sango: So did you 2 have fun?  
  
Kagura: I have no clue as to what you are talking about  
  
Miroku: Well next time you might want to make sure that your not wearing his clothing if you don't want anybody to know about it.  
  
Kagura and Sesshomarou: (Blush)  
  
Sesshomarou: So what do you want, little brother?  
  
Inu: We want you to end this chapter  
  
Kagura: But what about TS?  
  
Kag: (Points to The Saiyan)  
  
The Saiyan (Still doing the Kikyo is finally dead and can burn in hell a billion times' dance with Cattails)  
  
Sesshomarou: Oh. Fine. That's all for now. But you had better review or else I won't love you anymore 


	9. Chapter 9

The Saiyan: Hello! Welcome to another chapter of The Many Ways to Kill Jaken and Kikyo! Making her second appearance is the lovely Inuyddam!  
  
Miroku: Yes. By the way, where are Inuyasha and Lady Kagome?  
  
The Saiyan: The only thing that your perverted little mind can think of.  
  
Sango: Hay! You can't say that to my Miroku-chan. Only I can!  
  
Miroku: Ya! Hay!  
  
Shippo: Lets get this chapter started allready!  
  
The Saiyan: You just can't wait to see Kikyo and Jaken get killed, can you?  
  
Shippo: Nope! Don't you?  
  
The Saiyan: No  
  
Shippo: Are you lying?  
  
The Saiyan: Yep  
  
Disclaimer: Oh just shut the hell up!  
  
(Kikyo is walking through a forest when she trips over a stump)  
  
Kikyo: Oww.  
  
Jaken: Oww!! Watch where your going!!  
  
Kikyo: I... Tripped over you?! (Looks horrified.)  
  
(Kikyo runs off to scrub herself clean.)  
  
(Jakens staff gets caught on her clothes and gets dragged along.)  
  
(In the room that Kikyo ran into)  
  
Kikyo: Why are you here?  
  
Jaken: Because Inuyddam want's to traumatize us.  
  
Kikyo: WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME SO?  
  
TV comes on with Inuyddam picture: Because I hate you and you should die.  
  
Kikyo & Jaken: Oh.  
  
TV Inuyddam: Now suffer!! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves Everybody's nerves everybody's nerves I know a song that gets on everybody's and this is how it goes. (repeats over and over)  
  
Kikyo: No!  
  
Jaken: I don't get it. What's the song?  
  
Kikyo: She's singing it if you haven't noticed you stupid toad!  
  
Jaken: Oh... NO!!  
  
(song goes on for an eternity)  
  
The Saiyan: Ah. The sweet sound of Jaken and Kikyo being killed. Again. Don't you just love it?  
  
Miroku: I'd be lying if I said I didn't.  
  
(Suddenly the old, abandoned warehouse next door starts shaking and loud  
moaning can be heard)  
  
Sango: Whatwas that?!  
  
Inuyddam: That would be Kag and Inu.  
  
(Hiei appears outta nowhere.)  
  
Inuyddam: Hiei!! *glomps him*  
  
Hiei: Another stupid human*  
  
Inuyddam: I'm no human!!  
  
Hiei: Oh...  
  
Inuyddam: (hugs him again)  
  
The Saiyan: And now it's the end. And don't forget to review. Ja ne! 


	10. Chapter 10

The Saiyan: Oh this is the story that never ends! It goes on and on my friends!  
  
Inu: Wouldn't have it any other way!  
  
Miroku: Although shouldn't we feel bad about killing Jaken and Kikyo?  
  
Inu/The Saiyan/Shippo: Nope!  
  
Miroku: Didn't think so.  
  
Shippo: Where are Sango and Kagome?  
  
Inu: They went to Kagomes time to get some new clothes and stuff.  
  
Shippo: Oh.  
  
The Saiyan: Well, lets get started. But first, the disclaimer.  
  
Shippo: Oh! Can I do it? PPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE????? ?????????????????????  
  
The Saiyan: Sure kid. Knock yourself out.  
  
Shippo: OK! (Rams his head into Kogas skull)  
  
Shippo: @_@  
  
Koga: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?  
  
Inu: Well, TS told him to knock himself out so he hit the hardest thing he could find.  
  
Koga: What's that suppost to mean?!  
  
Inu: Exactly what it sounds like, you wimpy wolf. (Bashes Koga over the head with the Tetsagua (Sorry. I don't know how to spell it.)  
  
Koga: (Becomes temporarily insane)  
  
The Saiyan: (Throws him into the Sinceyouare Insane asylum) Well, I don't own Inuyasha and the idea is owned by sagie  
  
Kikyo: (Walking around smoking a joint) HAHAHA Soon Inuyasha will be mine! HAHAHAHA  
  
(Gets grabbed by a mysterious dude and is thrown inside a box)  
  
Kikyo: HAY! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?  
  
Mysterious Dude: Well, I'm kidnapping you, putting you inside a box and now where heading off to china.  
  
Kikyo: Oh.  
  
(A few hours later)  
  
Kikyo: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (Wakes up) Hu? NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  
  
Mysterious Dude: Now I'm going to torture you with Chinese water torture.  
  
Kikyo: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!  
  
Mysterious Dude: Yes I can (Does it and leaves)  
  
(2 days later)  
  
Mysterious Dude: (Comes back to find that Kikyo has gone insane) (Throws her into a box and leaves her in there for 2 more days while it rains and then the Sinceyouare insane asylum.) (Walks away singing) I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can't deny! When a girl walks in with that itty bitty waist and shakes that round thing in your face you get. FEELINGS! (Donkey from Shreak)  
  
Kikyo: (Inside the same room as Koga) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA I LIKE EGGS!  
  
Koga: (Somehow finds a Machete and a hockey mask) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Cuts Kikyo into tiny little pieces and shoves them into ice cube trays and frozen so that they can be used to cool his drinks) (Ed, Edd, and Eddy :) )  
  
(Jaken shows up in a janitor suit, cleaning up the mess.)  
  
(sagie suddenly shows up and grabs Jaken)  
  
Jaken: What are you doing?  
  
sagie: I want to know if your head would fit inside this pencil sharpener.  
  
Jaken: No! (Gets his head shoved into pencil sharpener and goes around and around and around untill his body falls limb on the ground)  
  
sagie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
Koga: (Is sane again) I'll make you pay, dog-boy  
  
Inu: Shut up you wimpy wolf  
  
Koga: Why should I, you worthless mutt  
  
The Saiyan HAY! NOT ONLY AM I 1/4 SAIYAN I'M ALSO 1/2 DOG DEMON!  
  
Miroku: Then what's the other 1/4?  
  
The Saiyan: Human. Come on, Inu. Let's teach this wimp a lesson. (Goes Super Saiyan5)  
  
Inu: (Goes Hyper Demon)  
  
Koga: KUSO! (Starts running away)  
  
Inu/The Saiyan: GET BACK HERE YOU WIMPY WOLF! (Chases him)  
  
Kag: What did Koga do this time?  
  
Miroku: He called TS and Inu worthless mutts.  
  
Kag: WHAT! HE CALLED MY INU-CHAN A WORTHLESS MUTT?! (Chases Koga around with bow and arrows)  
  
Sango: But I thought that he was a saiyan?  
  
Miroku: He is but he's also a dog demon.  
  
Sango: Well we had better end this.  
  
Miroku: Yes. Also I would like to announce that besides killing Jaken and Kikyo, you can now also kill Naraku and/or Hojo as well. And don't forget to review or else I'll have Sango hit you with her hiraikotsu. And that thing hurts like hell so you had better review if you value your health. (Gets hit with the hiraikotsu.) @_@  
  
Sango: Or else................ 


	11. Chapter 11

The Saiyan: Hi! I'm back! And I would like to think all the people who reviewed this story. I feel so loved  
  
Vegeta: Oh shut up, baka.  
  
The Saiyan: VEGETA?!?!?  
  
Inu: Hay! Vegeta's back!  
  
Kag: Well, you act just like him, so it's no surprise that you would be glad to see him.  
  
Miroku: How come I don't remember him?  
  
Vegeta: That was because you where knocked out.  
  
Miroku: Oh.  
  
Sango: So why are you here?  
  
Vegeta: Simple. 1) I want to torture you, 2) I'm bored, and 3) I want to torture you. Did I mention that I want to torture you?  
  
Miroku: Well, I'm afraid that I can not allow you to do that. (Grabs Sango's ass.)  
  
Sango: HENTAI! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The Saiyan: Well, I'm bored. Lets get on with killing Jaken, Kikyo, Naraku, and Hojo. Would you like to do the honors, Vegeta?  
  
Vegeta: Why not. The Saiyan owns nothing. The idea of this chapter belongs to, uh........  
  
The Saiyan: sagie.  
  
Vegeta: Ya, that's it. This chapter is owned by sagie.  
  
Kikyo: (Walking through the Inuyasha forest) (Looks down to see rotten moldy alien cheese.) Hay look, Cheese! But why Is it all green and smelly? Oh well! (Eats the cheese.) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (An alien popped out of her stomach and kills her.)  
  
Alien: My name is Piccolo the 3rd and I'll take over this pathetic planet Ae! (Yes, he's Canadian!) (Walks away singing) Every light in the house is blown. I keep on clapping but they won't clap on.  
  
Jaken (walking around, looking for Kikyo.) Where are you, Lady Kikyo? (Gets pulled into a cave by sagie.) What are you doing? Get your hands off of me you darn, dirty human. (Ha, you thought that I was going to say ape, didn't you?)  
  
(Painful screams can be heard for miles)  
  
(An hour later)  
  
sagie: In you go, you stupid toad. (Throws him in a room with 50 starving men.)  
  
(Painful screams can be heard again)  
  
Vegeta: So you're sagie, hu?  
  
sagie: Yep. (Pulls on Inu's ears)  
  
Inu: HAY!  
  
Vegeta: Impressive.  
  
sagie: Thanks. (Suddenly Hojo shows up)  
  
Hojo: Hi Kagome.  
  
Kagome: HOBO, I MEAN HOJO? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?  
  
sagie: She's been spending WAY too much time with Inu.  
  
Everybody except for Homo, I mean Hojo, Kag, and Inu: (Nods their heads in agreement)  
  
Hojo: Well, I was inside my house, looking at the map so that I could find the door that leads out of my room, then I got lost and ended up here.  
  
Everybody: (Anime sweat drop)  
  
Hojo: So, how about a date next Saturday? And who's that short guy with the tall hair?  
  
Vegeta: SHORT? SHORT? I'LL SHOW YOU SHORT! (Powers up to Super Saiyan 3) FINAL.....  
  
Inu: Hold up! (Transforms into a Hyper Demon.) There. Now we can kill him.  
  
Vegeta: WE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY WE?  
  
Inu: HE TRIED TO ASK MY MATE OUT TO A DATE!  
  
Vegeta: THEN HURRY UP! FINAL FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Inu: I'll try that. FINAL FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ya! Inu's learned a new attack!)  
  
Hojo: (Gets obliterated)  
  
The Saiyan:And that's the end of another chapter of The Many Ways to Kill Jaken and Kikyo. And don't forget to review this story, Life or Death, Dragonball Vertex, and You'll be in my heart. Ja ne! 


	12. Chapter 12

The Saiyan: Yo! Welcome back! And also, the beautiful Cattails is back!  
  
Vegeta: Do you have to do that?  
  
The Saiyan: No  
  
Vegeta: Then why do you do it?  
  
The Saiyan: Don't know.  
  
Miroku: Well, you can't beat that logic.  
  
Sango: Shut up Miroku-chan. Where's Kagome and Inuyasha?  
  
Vegeta: They're probably off fucking each other or something.  
  
The Saiyan: Well, lets get this story started.  
  
Sango: The Saiyan does not own anything. This idea belongs to Cattails.  
  
The Saiyan: It's true. And also I have been asked to inform all of you readers that Choco-penguin is a SHE! Now lets get this chapter started.  
  
(Cattails is sleeping in a tree when she smells a foul odor that wakes her  
up)  
  
Cattails: (sniff sniff) KAMI!! what the FRIK is THAT?! (looks down) it burns!  
  
(Kikyo and Naraku are below her, making out)  
  
Cattails: where's TS when you need him?  
  
The Saiyan: OH, GAWD, NO!!  
  
Cattails: it's hurting my eyes!  
  
The Saiain: so... how can we cause pain to Naraku and Kikyo today?  
  
Cattails: (pulls out a magical whistle) (blows whistle)  
  
(a hoard of squirrels appears)  
  
Cattails: (points to the disturbing sight)  
  
Squirrels: snarff!! (Attack Kikyo and Naraku)  
  
(Kikyo & Naraku fall over; now piles of bones)  
  
The Saiyan: O_O  
  
Cattails: carnivorous squirrels.  
  
The Saiyan: Ah.  
  
Cattails: (blows whistle again)  
  
(squirrels run off)  
  
Inu: What was all that noise? (sees piles of bones) I assume some of those belong to Kikyou. To whom do the others belong?  
  
Cattails & The Saiyan: Naraku.  
  
Inu: (walks over and picks up Naraku's Shikon shard)  
  
Kag: I sense a jewel shard.  
  
Inu: (holds up huge shard) That you do.  
  
Kag: YAY! The rest of the shikon no tama, almost!! (Kisses Inu)  
  
Inu: (responds)  
  
Shippo: It's about time!  
  
Miroku: Bravo, Inuyasha.  
  
Sango: Shut up, Miroku.  
  
Miroku: Are we jealous? *hand wanders*  
  
Sango: Houshi-sama...*whack*  
  
Miroku: @-@ I thought it was okay since we-  
  
Sango: (Covers his mouth)  
  
The Saiyan: O.K. then...  
  
Shippo: Since what? Come on! I wanna know!  
  
Miroku: Since we.............  
  
Everybody except Vegeta: Don't even say it!  
  
Vegeta: Fine. If he won't, then I will. (Whispers in Shippo's ear)  
  
Shippo: Oh, is that all?  
  
Kag: (Shocked) How come you're not reacting like it's a big deal?  
  
Shippo: Well, that's because I seen you and Inuyasha doing that deep in the woods every night doing that.  
  
Vegeta and The Saiyan: (Snicker)  
  
The Saiyan: Well, That's all for now. And I'm sorry to announce that my Internet has been shut down so I won't be able to up-date as quickly as normal. And don't forget to review. Ja ne! 


	13. Chapter 13

The Saiyan: Hello! I'm back with a new chapter of The Many Ways to Kill Jaken and Kikyo!  
  
Vegeta: And to add on to this disappointing news, The Saiyans Internet is still down.  
  
Kag: What do you mean by that? I think that it's a great story!  
  
Sango: You only like it because we get to kill Kikyo in EVERY chapter.  
  
Miroku: And don't forget about Jaken  
  
Shippo: Or Naraku  
  
Inu: And Hoho, er, I mean Hojo  
  
Kag: And the fact that I get to be with my Inu-Chan  
  
Shippo: AW. That's so sweet.  
  
The Saiyan: Actually Shippo, I was thinking of getting you a girlfriend.  
  
Shippo: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
The Saiyan: That's right and also the readers get to decide who it's going to be.  
  
Shippo: (Faints)  
  
Miroku: And if it ends up being Kirira?  
  
The Saiyan: Then I find a way to give her a human form.  
  
Miroku: Oh  
  
Vegeta: Can we just get this damn story started?  
  
Inu: Ya. I wanna kill Kikyo already! The Saiyan: Sure. Kagome, would you like to do the honor?  
  
Kag: Sure. The Saiyan does not own anything. This idea came from Inuyddam.  
  
Sango: This making her 3rd appearance  
  
(Hojo is walking to Kagomes house)  
  
Hojo: I sure do hope that these hurbs help Kagome feel better. I had no idea that she had a disease called Getthehellawayfrommeyoudumbass. (Translation: Get the hell away from me you dumb-ass)  
  
(Hears some commotion over by the well)  
  
Hojo: Hay, what's that?  
  
(Goes over to the well and finds Kikyo)  
  
Hojo: Is that Kagome? (Gets closer but doesn't see Kikyo anymore) Where did she go?  
  
Kikyo: (Comes from behind and pushes him through the well)  
  
Hojo: (Climbs out of the well on the other side) Man, That was almost as weird as that one time I went into a gay bar dressed as Barney in a ballerina tutu. (Looks at Jaken) AAAAAHHHHHH!!! (Starts running around crying about how things should never get that ugly)  
  
Jaken: (Is very offended) You dirty human. I'll show you who the ugly one is! (Starts burning Hojo with his staff)  
  
Hojo: NOOOOOOOOOOO! (Dies a very painful and humiliating death)  
  
Kikyo: (Jumps out of the well and lands on Jakens head)  
  
Jaken: (Is pissed off) I'll show you not to mess with the great toad/frog thingy demon known as Jaken! (Starts to burn up Kikyo)  
  
Kikyo: (Grabs her enchanted arrows) Oh shut the jigoku up. (Shoots Jaken and kills him)  
  
(All of a sudden Naraku fly's by)  
  
Kikyo: (Also kills him with an enchanted arrow) YOU MESSED UP EVERYTHING NOW DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Suddenly Inuyddam comes swinging by on a vine and pushes Kikyo off a  
conveniently placed cliff)  
  
Kikyo: (Falls into a tank full of hungry parahuns)  
  
Inuyddam: PLEASE!! You never had a chance with Inuyasha!! It was Kagome all along!  
  
The Saiyan: Yes, it just wouldn't be the same without being able to see them being killed, now is it.  
  
Inuyddam: Nope. By the way, where are Kagome and Inuyasha?  
  
The Saiyan: I don't know. They where here at the beginning of the chapter. Hay Sango, do you know where they went?  
  
Sango: I don't know where they went but I do know what they're doing.  
  
Inuyddam: Oh, you mean what you and Miroku do every night?  
  
Sango: (Goes slightly pink)  
  
Miroku: Actually, it's every other night.  
  
Sango: MIROKU! (Smack) They did NOT need to know that!  
  
Miroku: @_@  
  
The Saiyan: Well, that's all for now. And also there is a poll that is posted on my other fic, Dragonball Vertex. I would really appreciate it if you where to take it. And don't forget to tell me who you think Shippos girlfriend should be. Ja ne! 


	14. Chapter 14

The Saiyan: Hello! I'm back and also I'd like to announce that my Internet is back on as well!  
  
Vegeta: Big deal.  
  
Inu: So who is going to be killing them today?  
  
The Saiyan: Well, it would be the hot Guardian!  
(Guardian shows up with Lira)  
  
Miroku: Your right. She IS hot.  
  
Inu: You said it.  
  
Kag: AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!  
  
Inu: Ah, sorry Kag-Chan (Gives her the sad-puppy dog eyes.)  
  
Kag: (Melts on the spot) Oh come here lover boy.  
  
(Inu and Kag start to make out)  
  
Vegeta: (Looks at Lira) Who's the pup?  
  
Guardian: That would be my servant and companion, Lira, Vegeta-Sama.  
  
Vegeta: I'm starting to like this Guardian girl already.  
  
Guardian: Please, Vegeta-Sama, call me Kelly. You too, The Saiyan  
  
Lira: You should feel honored, Mr. Vegeta, The Saiyan. Guardian only lets a selected few call her by that name.  
  
The Saiyan: Call me TS, It's a lot easier to say.  
  
Lira: Allright. But, can I speak with you in private, TS?  
  
The Saiyan: Sure. Just let me open up a telekinetic link with you. I know for a fact that Kelly is a saiyan so this way she won't be able to hear.  
  
(The Saiyan and Lira start talking Telekinetically)  
  
The Saiyan: (Smirks) I'll see what I can do.  
  
Lira: Thank you.  
  
Kelly: What are you 2 planning?  
  
The Saiyan: Oh, nothing. Would you like to do the disclaimer, Lira?  
  
Lira: Ok. The Saiyan does not own anything. This chapter belongs to my mistress, Guardian.  
  
It is a dark part of a forest on a moonless night. The wind was chilling to the bone and the only sounds are of Kikyo and her demons making their way through the forest. Kikyo is as blank as stone. Near the back of the group, two of Kikyo's demons are conversing.  
  
"I don't know about this, "she" said that she would only kill Kikyo and let us free if we told "her" where to find her, but I don't know," the first of the demons was nervous a mysterious women with a white ape like tail had come before him/her and his/her companion stating she needed the priestess dead and would do all for her death.  
  
"That look in her eyes rivaled that of Sesshomaru's gaze of death, I believe she wishes for Kikyo's death enough to make this promise, I wonder what Kikyo did to her?" The second demon thought this over and decided that he/she didn't want to know.  
  
"Let us leave now I don't want to be here when the Sun rises, if my memory serves me well that is when she said she would be here," the two demons slowly slinked away unknown to their mistress.  
  
Several hours later as the first rays of Sun began to break the horizon, a figure still cloaked in the shadow of the early morning apeared, seemingly out of no where.  
  
"Who goes there!" Kikyo shouted she was honestly surprised she did not think anything could get so close without her sensing an aura.  
  
"I do Kikyo," the figure in the shadow replied, the voice obviously female, it was icy and serene, Kikyo could not help but be afraid.  
  
"Who are you and how'd you get here with out my knowledge?" Kikyo was scared she tried not to show it, she covered her fear with anger and hatred, the very two who had corrupted her so long ago.  
  
"I'm the Guardian Kikyo, the White Saiyan, I'm glad you are wise enough to fear me as well you are not as brainless as I thought, but you are still brainless enough not to recognize Instant Translocation."  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THE GUARDIAN, AND WHAT THE HELL IS A SAYIAN, I FEAR NOTHING! DIE" Kikyo aimed and released an arrow at the figure still shrouded in darkness. Kikyo no longer cared who this was she didn't care that the face of this women was still hidden and she didn't care at all for her tone of voice or her insults.  
  
The figure chuckled, an icy sound that sent shivers down Kikyo's clay back, "Fool," the shadowed figured stated quietly and merly held up a hand. Kikyo was confused, but then she looked at the arrow it had stopped moving and dropped to the ground.  
  
"Leave us," The dark figure said Kikyo was confused, who was this mad women talking too, then she saw her demons at impossible speed disappear before she could even speak.  
  
"I am the Guardian of Yin and Yang, the eternal balance, you are a corruption in the balance and I must end you. You have two choices one drink this poison," the dark figure held up a hand offering a vial containing a purple liquid, "Or die upon my blade," the figure moved one side of her long black cloak to reveal a sword sheathed at her side.  
  
"FOOL I WILL END YOU, NOT YOU ME! DIE!!" Kikyo begins to load for another shot she aims for the woman. The figure shakes her head and sihgs, oh well at least I'll enjoy ending her stupidity, she thinks to herself. The Guardian jumps, her cloak giving way to reveal a human like body, save the pointed ears and the white tail. She was clothed in what appeared to be a half-white half-black Kimono, she bore the symybol of Yin and Yang on her forehead.  
  
"Now prepare for your demise!" The Guardian sneered as she readied her blade and dashed towards Kikyo. Before Kikyo could respond, she felt a sharp pain run through her body. At first it had looked like nothing had happened until her right arm slowly slid down and landed with a sickening thud on the ground next to her. Blood was gushing out as Kikyo grabbed her open wound, staining both her hand and her kimono with blood. She breathed heavily, trying to fight the pain, which tortured her so. Kikyo looked around for something that would give her an advantage. Damn her. She's too strong. I won't last much longer. I have to find a weakness. She thought. Hatred filled her as she watched the Guardian smirking at her agony, blade in hand, waiting for her to attack. That's when Kikyo had noticed a small wolf pup hiding in the area where the Guardian first made her appearance known.  
  
Without hesitation Kikyo ran towards the area.  
  
The Guardian was not expecting this so she followed until she heard the scream of a small child. "LIRA!" The Guardian ran even faster to find that Kikyo had an enchanted arrow at hand and it was aimed at the small pups' throat.  
  
Kikyo smirked as she saw a look of horror on the Guardians face, then replaced by anger and disgust. She started to move closer when Kikyo slit Liras throat, causing more blood to flow. "Take another step closer and I'll make sure that this child shall burn in the depths of hell."  
  
The Guardian growled at this. "You have no honor. Threatening to take the life of another just so you can win a battle. You are supposed to be one of the greatest mikos who had ever lived. I guess that your honor and dignity have also died that day."  
  
"ENOUGH!" Kikyo screamed then jammed the arrow straight into the heart of Lira. Lira screamed in pain and then fell limp in Kikyos' grasp.  
  
The Guardian did not need to feel her pulse to know what had happened for she could hear Liras heart beat slower and slower until it had stopped completely. To say that she was furious would be an understatement as she began to power-up, screaming in rage. Kikyo could feel her aura becoming stronger and now she knew that there wasn't a chance in all the realms of hell that she might even have the slightest chance of making it alive.  
  
The Guardian then unleashed a final scream as a bright light had consumed her, blinding Kikyo. When the light had disappeared Kikyo starred in shock and in fear of the Guardians transformation. She had become white in all of her features except for her eyes, which where blue and cold. They where the eyes of a warrior who fights with honor and has seen multiple battles and death. Her hair was like liquid crystal, floating around her, glowing as if she had came from the heavens. But the hatred in her voice was as if it had came from the deepest pit of hell. "You will pay. YOU WILL PAY!" As she shouted that Kikyo could feel an enormous power coming from the sword itself.  
  
The Guardian then pointed her sword right into the mid-section of Kikyo. But not only did the blade go through but the Guardian did as well. Kikyo did not have and time to scream as her upper half fell to the left and the lower half fell straightforward. Blood gushed out until there was a pool of blood around Kikyo. Her eyes where open but where cold and saw nothing. A trickle of blood came from her mouth, which held an expression of great pain and anguish. The Guardian lifted herself up and had planted her now bloodstained sword into the ground. She had won, but at a price. The Guardian, now drenched in Kikyo's blood, picked up Lira and began to carry her to a better resting-place.  
  
After a couple of hours of walking she discovered a beautiful clearing in the forest. It was flourishing with beauty and with life. It also had a beautiful hotspring. The Guardian sat her down underneath a tree and started to dig a grave when she felt a presence. She turned around to find Sesshomarou, sword in hand. The Guardian had heard stories about the lord of the western lands, but before she could react Sesshomarou lifted his blade high above him and took a mighty slash at Liras corps.  
  
The Guardian stood there in shock, as the blade made no mark what so ever. Then she heard Liras heart starting to beat again. "Wait!" She called, as Sesshomarou had started to leave. He stopped and turned to face her. She walked to him and picked Lira up. "I thank you. But how can I ever repay you?"  
  
"You have a great sense of honor when fighting. As well as a great body. Consider yourself but of a very few who have gained my respected." With that being said, he turned and left, not noticing the Guardians face, which was a bright pink color.  
  
"You like him, don't you?"  
  
"How long have you been up? And how much did you hear?" the Guardian demanded, her face now red with anger.  
  
"Long enough to tell that you like him. After all, you do have 'A great body'. As he put it." Lira smirked  
  
"Let's get going. The balance is still uneven." the Guardian said  
  
"So who is next?"  
  
"The toad demon that goes by the name of Jaken."  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
It is in the middle of a swamp on a full moon night. The only sounds are that of flies, crickets, and Jaken  
  
Jaken: I can't believe that my lord has me searching the swamplands for a retched human. (Finds many flies flying about) Oh well, its dinnertime! (Starts to eat the bugs)  
  
(Suddenly Barney comes out of the swamp, tommy-gun in hand)  
  
Jaken: What the Hell?!  
  
Barney: (Begins shooting Jaken in the arm)  
  
Jaken: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (His arm drops off, leaving a pool of blood)  
  
Barney: (Begins singing) Bob the builder, is he a dumb-ass? Bob the Builder, YES HE IS! His real name is Bob with an L. The L is silent, but no one gives a damn. Then one day, he got really drunk. And fell asleep in a warehouse full of machinery, and that's how I was born.  
  
Jaken: ()_() What the HELL was that?!?!?!  
  
Barney: (Starts shooting him again)  
  
Jaken: (Is being torn apart by the bullets, but is still alive because all of the major organs are still in-tacked.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Finally dies from the lose of blood)  
  
Barney: (Points the gun to himself) I wonder what the bullies look like when they come out?" (Pulls the trigger and ends up killing himself.)  
  
Guardian: (Arrives to find that Jaken has been killed) (Sounds disappointed) It looks like somebody has beaten us to him.  
  
Lira: Your just mad because YOUR Sesshomarou-Chan isn't hear. (Starts to smirk)  
  
Guardian: (Is red in the face) I don't know what you're talking about. Let's get going.  
  
We find Hofo, excuse me Hojo, walking through the streets of Tokyo, wearing a purple bra on his head, a towel as a cape, and nothing else except for a pair of Misty (From Pokemon) underwear.  
  
Hojo: I AM CUTE AND FLUFFY! (Guess where that came from)  
  
(Gets pushed into a building by some dude in a 'I Live Towly T-shirt)  
  
Hojo: What the hell is (Sees the TV) Oh. TV! (Turns it on and finds that nothing is on)  
  
Hojo: Damn it! There's nothing on to watch! (Suddenly turns it on a channel that has Kagome on it.) Hay! It's Kagome!  
  
(Channel turns out to show Kags and Inus 'night time' habits)  
  
Hojo: (Trys to turn it but finds that he can't) WHAT THE HELL?  
  
(Suddenly the floor breaks and Hojo falls through and then falls through a  
well, which takes him into Narakus house)  
  
Naraku: What do you want, human?  
  
Hojo: Hay look. A talking monkey!  
  
Naraku: MONKEY?! I'LL SHOW YOU!  
  
(24 hours later)  
  
Hojo walks out of the house. Inside we can see that Naraku had hung  
himself) The Saiyan: (Sees the whole thing) Damn-it. I knew that Naraku couldn't get it done. Time to go to plan B  
  
Sango: And what is plan B?  
  
The Saiyan: (Whispers it into her ear)  
  
Sango: THAT out to do the trick.  
  
The Saiyan: (Leaves to find Inuyasha) Hay Inu  
  
Inu: What?  
  
The Saiyan: I have something to tell you. Do you remember that Hoho kid?  
  
Inu: Ya, but I think that his name was Homo, or something like that.  
  
The Saiyan: Well, I just over-heard him saying that he's going to watch Kag go and take a bath again.  
  
Inu:WWWWHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The Saiyan: And from the sound of it, it seems like this wouldn't be the first time he's done it, either.  
  
Inu: I'll Kill that Son of a Bitch. (Runs off in search of Hojo)  
  
(1/2 an hour later)  
  
Inu: Found you ya bastard!  
  
Hojo: Hay! I remember you. You're that guy that fucked Kagome. I wanted to do that!  
  
Inu: You where watching us?! You sick, perverted Bastered! (Unsheathes Tetsuiga (At least I think that that's how you spell it)) Take this! (Unleashes the Wind Scar attack)  
  
Hojo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (He is torn apart and then finally dies after the attack)  
  
The Saiyan: Well, I hope that this chapter makes your approval, Kelly. This has definitely the longest chapter in this story yet.  
  
Guardian: Now what where you and Lira talking about.  
  
Lira: Oh, you'll see  
  
(Suddenly Koga shows up)  
  
The Saiyan/Inu: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU WIMPY WOLF?!  
  
Koga: Well, I have come here for Guardian.  
  
(Suddenly Sesshomarou appears)  
  
Koga: And what do you want?  
  
Fluffy-Same: Damn it TS. I thought that you would have forgotten about that by now.  
  
The Saiyan: I did but then I just now remembered.  
  
Koga: Don't you dare ignore me! Now tell me! Why are you here?  
  
Fluffy-Sama: I'm here to protect MY Kelly-Chan  
  
Guardian: K_K_KELLY-CHAN!! (Is very red)  
  
Koga: Your kelly-chan?  
  
Fluffy-Sama: Yes. MY Kelly-Chan (Transforms into his full demon form and kills Koga)  
  
Guardian: (Still in a state of shock)  
  
The Saiyan: Well, you wanted to know what we where up to, and here it is. Lira told me how much you liked Sesshy so I brought him here for you.  
  
Lira: And don't say that you don't because I read your diary.  
  
Guardian: YOU READ MY DIARY?!?!?!?  
  
Fluffy-Sama: Why should that matter? (Grabs Kelly and kisses her)  
  
Guardian: (Kisses him back)  
  
Lira: Isn't it almost time to end this?  
  
The Saiyan: Sad but true. Well, I'm sorry that I haven't given Shippo a girlfriend yet. I still want to see what you readers have to say. And don't forget to review. Ja na! 


	15. Chapter 15

The Saiyan: Hay! I'm back and I brought a new chapter as well!  
  
Inu: Who cares. Just hurry up! I want to see Kikyo and the rest of the people get killed. Again.  
  
Kirara: Mew mew mew mew? (But what about Shippos girlfriend?)  
  
The Saiyan: I'll announce that at the end of the chapter.  
  
Kag: So can I start it?  
  
The Saiyan: Go ahead  
  
Kag: YAY! The Saiyan owns nothing. This idea belongs to Ligar Zero X  
  
Kag: (Sees that Inuyasha is setting up a PS3) What are you doing, Inu-Chan?  
  
Inu: Oh, I'm just setting up this PlayStation 3 (Yes, I made a PS3) I also want to try out this new game called DBZMK (Dragonball Z Mortal Kombat)  
  
Kag: Cool. Hay! I have an idea! (Whispers something into Inuyashas ears)  
  
Inu: (Starts smirking) Well, go for it Kag-Chan  
  
Kag: (Grabs the game ant starts to chant an enchantment spell) (Finishes and puts the game into the PS3) Let's go, lover-boy  
  
(Inu and Kag leaves)  
  
(Naraku, Jaken, Hojo, and Kikyo arrive)  
  
Jaken: (Stares at the PS3) What is this contraction?  
  
Hojo: It's a PS3  
  
Naraku: And look at the case. It matches the thingy inside. (Hands it over to Kikyo)  
  
Kikyo: (Reading the DBZMK case) Sick and tired of always getting his ass kicked, Shaul Kahn leaves to another realm to try and take it over. Unfortunately for him, this just happens to be the Z-fighters realm. It's Mortal Kombat. Only DBZ style. Includes Fatalities, Babalities, Animalities, Friendships, Brutalities, Michael-Jakson-alities, and much more.  
  
Hojo: Cool!  
  
(All of a sudden a blue light surrounds them and pulls them into the game)  
  
Naraku: What the jigoku?!  
  
Jaken: What is this place?  
  
(Inu and Kag come back, along with The Saiyan)  
  
The Saiyan: That was a great idea, Inu  
  
Inu: I know.  
  
Kag: So are you up for a game?  
  
The Saiyan: Sure!  
  
(All 3 grab PS3 controllers)  
  
(TV Screen)  
  
Jaken, Kikyo, Naraku, and Hobo, er Hojo VS Vegetto, Gogeta, Launch, and Videl  
  
The Saiyan: So are you guys ready?  
  
Inu/Kag: Yep!  
  
(In the TV)  
  
Kikyo: Who are they?  
  
Jaken: I don't know, but for some reason, I can't move!  
  
Hojo: Me neather!  
  
Strange voice: Fight!  
  
Naraku: Well, you heard the strange voice. Lets fight.  
  
Kikyo: But I still can't move  
  
(Vegetto, Gogeta, Launch, and Videl kicks their asses)  
  
Strange voice: Finish them!  
  
(Screen goes dark)  
  
(Vegetto powers up a Big Bang Attack)  
  
(Gogeta powers up a Super Khamehameha)  
  
(Launch pulls out many, many large guns)  
  
(Videl grabs a dude wearing a cloth over his head)  
  
Vegetto: BIG BANG ATTACK! (Annihilates Naraku)  
  
Gogeta: SUPER KHAMEHAMEHA! (Annihilates Kikyo)  
  
Launch: TOTAL ASSAULT! (Pummels Jaken with many, many bullets)  
  
Videl: (Ties string onto hood and runs away) Time to die ass-hole! (Pulls string to reveal Michael Jackson!)  
  
Hojo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Dies and his ghost runs away)  
  
(Suddenly a new screen shows up)  
  
Screen: Jaken, Hojo, Kikyo, and Naraku Vs Yada, yada, tada  
  
(In the real world)  
  
The Saiyan: I put in some game shark codes  
  
Kag: Which ones?  
  
The Saiyan: Infinite lives  
  
Inu: Cool. (Grabs popcorn and some very comfy chairs) Popcorn, anyone?  
  
Ligar Zero X (Suddenly shows up) Whacha watching?  
  
The Saiyan: Naraku, Kikyo, Jaken, and Hobo getting killed over and over again.  
  
Ligar Zero X: Cool. (Sits in a comfy chair) Pass the popcorn please  
  
Kag: (Sits on Inus lap) Sure. (Passes popcorn)  
  
Everybody: (Laughs as Naraku and crew get killed again)  
  
Vegeta: Well that was stupid  
  
The Saiyan: You're just mad 'cause you weren't in the beginning.  
  
Vegeta: That's beside the point. Where is that perverted monk? I haven't seen him all day.  
  
Kag: Come to think of it, I haven't seen Sango neither.  
  
Inu: Knowing that hentai, I know what they're doing right now  
  
Kag: 0_0 THEY ARE NOT! Knowing Sango, they're probably just making out  
  
The Saiyan: Or they could just be dry humping.  
  
Vegeta: No, without the cloths. Much more pleasurable that way.  
  
The Saiyan: True  
  
Ligar Zero X: Hay, TS, what about Shippos gf?  
  
The Saiyan: Oh ya. I'll reviel her next chapter when Shippo returns. Also, Should Fluffy-Sama return as well? Well, that's all. Don't forget to review. 


	16. Chapter 16

The Saiyan: Hay there. Sorry about the long up-date but I was kinda failing English and I needed to get that grade up.  
  
Vegeta: Big deal. Now tell us who Shippos girlfriend is.  
  
Inu: Ya. Tell us!  
  
Kag: You just want to know so that you can tease him.  
  
Inu: Guilty as charged.  
  
Shippo: (Looking nervous) Say, how about we get this chapter started, hu?  
  
Fluffy-Sama: And save you from total embarrassment, I think not.  
  
Inu: Great. Who let fluffy in?  
  
Fluffy-Sama: My name is not fluffy. It is Sesshomarou.  
  
Sango: And your point is?  
  
Miroku: Never mind. Who is that child standing behind you?  
  
Fluffy-Sama: Rin, you may come out now.  
  
Rin: (Comes from behind Fluffy-Sama) You should give Fluffy-Sama some more respect.  
  
Vegeta: OK...........  
  
Shippo: Hi Rin  
  
Rin: (Looks at Shippo) Hello Shippo-Chan  
  
Everybody except Me: SHIPPO-CHAN?!?!?  
  
The Saiyan: Well, Shippo. It looks like I choose the right mate for you.  
  
Shippo/Rin: MATE?!?!?!?! (Both faint)  
  
Sesshomarou: Well, now that that's over, I think that we should start the chapter now.  
  
Miroku: So do I.  
  
Sesshomarou: Hay look. I have my name back  
  
The Saiyan: Not for long.  
  
Fluffy-Sama: DAMN IT.  
  
Sango: I think that I'll do the disclaimer. The Saiyan does not own Inuyasha. If he did, then Kagome and Inuyasha would have been together a long time ago. The idea for this belongs to Inuyasha-fan333  
  
Kikyo is walking through a forest, looking to sell some weed. She was doing fine, villagers where standing in line, it was excellent weed indeed. That is to say until Jaken came and scared everyone away.  
  
Kikyo: Great. Its you. Now look at what you have done. Now I'll never have enough money to buy that blow-up Inuyasha doll that I wanted.  
  
Jaken: And where in the world are you going to find an Inuyasha blow-up doll?  
  
Kikyo: e-bay  
  
Jaken: Oh.  
  
(Inuyasha-fan333 is walking in the same forest)  
  
Jaken: (Spots Inuyasha-fan333) Hay, who's that?  
  
Kikyo: I don't know. Let's go find out  
  
(Jaken and Kikyo walk towards Inuyasha-fan333)  
  
Jaken: Oh, It is only a mere human.  
  
Inuyasha-fan333: HUMAN?!?!?! (Transforms into a girl-version of Inuyasha) I'LL SHOW YOU A MERE HUMAN! (Shreds Jaken and Kikyo into tiny-tiny itty bitty pieces) There. I feel better now. (Walks away, singing) Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark. All the dinosaurs are running wild. Someone let T-Rex out of his pen. I'm afraid those things will harm me. 'Cause they sure don't act like Barney. And They think that I'm their dinner, not their friend. Oh NO! (Sorry. I just had to add that.)  
  
Kag: Yay! Death to Kikyo! That will teach her not to try and take MY Inu- Chan away from me.  
  
Inu: A little possessive, aren't we?  
  
Kag: DAMN STRAIGHT  
  
(Suddenly Koga shows up) Koga: I have come here for my woman and I will not leave until she is returned to me.  
  
Inuyasha-fan333 (Suddenly Appears) Shut the hell up Koga. (Transforms into girl-version of Inuyasha) Time to die! (Kills Koga)  
  
Everybody: (Applause)  
  
Vegeta: o_0. OK. Why do I feel like I'm in a bad Ramna ½ episode?  
  
Fluffy-Sama: I don't know. But let's end this. And I want to ask the readers if they want my name to be changed back or do I have to remain as Fluffy-Sama?  
  
The Saiyan: And Don't forget to review. Ja ne! 


	17. Chapter 17

The Saiyan: Hey there! I'm back w/ a brand new chapter!  
  
Vegeta: Yippee (Insert sarcasm)  
  
Inu: Also the people have spoken. My older brother's name will be changed back.  
  
Sesshomarou: Finally!  
  
Kag: When he lets us shave his tail-thingy ^_^  
  
Sesshomarou: NO! NOT MY PUFF! (Stroks his puff)  
  
The Saiyan: Then you shall stay as Fluffy-Sama.  
  
Fluffy-Sama: -_- I hate you all.  
  
The Saiyan: I know. Well, lets start the chapter.  
  
Miroku: And TS does not own Inuyasha or this chapter. This idea belongs to iluvelinkinpark.  
  
(Kikyo is walking around, looking for Inuyasha)  
  
Kikyo: (is grabed from behind) HAY! WHO ARE YOU?  
  
The Saiyan: I am the all-mighty warrior and author, The Saiyan. (Throws her into the land of Random torture)  
  
Kikyo: (after being thrown into land of Random Torture) NO! NOT POKEMON! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(later.............................)  
  
Kikyo: (is tied up in a chair in front of a big screen TV) (Suddenly Kagome and Inuyasha appear on the screen) Hey! That's Kagome and Inuyasha! Um, what are they doing? HEY WAIT! NO! HES MINE YOU GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM AND HIS BODY PARTS! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(Even later.................)  
  
Kikyo: NO! DON'T GIVE HIM THAT!  
  
(TV shows picture of Inuyasha receiving a get into heaven free pass)  
  
(Suddenly Kikyo is dropped into a cage full of evil monkeys)  
  
Monkeys: We are the monkey overlords. You will die now you skanky-looking human-wannabe  
  
Kikyo: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She is then killed by a bunch of evil monkeys and is thrown out of the cage)  
  
(iluvlinkinpark walks by, conveniently with all 7 dragonballs)  
  
iluvlinkinpark: Hey look. Kikyos dead and I missed it! Hey! I can revive her with the dragonballs! (Summons Shenlong)  
  
Shenlong: Name your two wishes. Speak now  
  
iluvlinkinpark: I wish to revive the one called Kikyo  
  
Shenlong: It has been granted. Name your second wish  
  
Kikyo: (is revived) I'm alive! YAY!  
  
iluvlinkinpark: Now I wish for a giant Kikyo sized Garbage Disposal!  
  
Shenlong: (Drops Yucky-Trash Eater 5,000,000) It has been done. Farewell  
  
(Shenlong disappears and the dragonballs scatter across the earth)  
  
Kikyo: (Looking at the Yucky-Trash Eater 5,000,000) Um, whats that for?  
  
iluvlinkinpark: This ( (Throws Kikyo into it ant turns it on)  
  
Kikyo: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (is shredded up like garbage)  
  
iluvlinkinpark: (Walks over to Jaken and pulls out Tetsusaiga in one hand and Tenseiga in the other)  
  
Jaken: Um, who are you? And what are you planning on doing with those swords? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! (Is killed by Tetsusaiga then revived by Tenseiga repeatedly)  
  
iluvlinkinpark (After being revived again) Here you go ugly (Hands Jaken a mirror)  
  
Jaken: Why thank you (Looks into the mirror) THAT FACE! ITS SO HORRABLE! (dies from shock)  
  
Miroku: And there you have it.  
  
Sango: Another chapter completed  
  
Fluffy-sama: So does that mean?  
  
The Saiyan: That's right people. I'm back with a vengeance! 


	18. Chapter 18

The Saiyan: Hey there! I'm back w/ a brand new chapter!  
  
Vegeta: Yippee (Insert sarcasm)  
  
Inu: Also the people have spoken. My older brother's name will be changed back.  
  
Sesshomarou: Finally!  
  
Kag: When he lets us shave his tail-thingy ^_^  
  
Sesshomarou: NO! NOT MY PUFF! (Stroks his puff)  
  
The Saiyan: Then you shall stay as Fluffy-Sama.  
  
Fluffy-Sama: -_- I hate you all.  
  
The Saiyan: I know. Well, lets start the chapter.  
  
Miroku: And TS does not own Inuyasha or this chapter. This idea belongs to iluvelinkinpark.  
  
(Kikyo is walking around, looking for Inuyasha)  
  
Kikyo: (is grabed from behind) HAY! WHO ARE YOU?  
  
The Saiyan: I am the all-mighty warrior and author, The Saiyan. (Throws her into the land of Random torture)  
  
Kikyo: (after being thrown into land of Random Torture) NO! NOT POKEMON! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(later.............................)  
  
Kikyo: (is tied up in a chair in front of a big screen TV) (Suddenly Kagome and Inuyasha appear on the screen) Hey! That's Kagome and Inuyasha! Um, what are they doing? HEY WAIT! NO! HES MINE YOU GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM AND HIS BODY PARTS! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(Even later.................)  
  
Kikyo: NO! DON'T GIVE HIM THAT!  
  
(TV shows picture of Inuyasha receiving a get into heaven free pass)  
  
(Suddenly Kikyo is dropped into a cage full of evil monkeys)  
  
Monkeys: We are the monkey overlords. You will die now you skanky-looking human-wannabe  
  
Kikyo: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She is then killed by a bunch of evil monkeys and is thrown out of the cage)  
  
(iluvlinkinpark walks by, conveniently with all 7 dragonballs)  
  
iluvlinkinpark: Hey look. Kikyos dead and I missed it! Hey! I can revive her with the dragonballs! (Summons Shenlong)  
  
Shenlong: Name your two wishes. Speak now  
  
iluvlinkinpark: I wish to revive the one called Kikyo  
  
Shenlong: It has been granted. Name your second wish  
  
Kikyo: (is revived) I'm alive! YAY!  
  
iluvlinkinpark: Now I wish for a giant Kikyo sized Garbage Disposal!  
  
Shenlong: (Drops Yucky-Trash Eater 5,000,000) It has been done. Farewell  
  
(Shenlong disappears and the dragonballs scatter across the earth)  
  
Kikyo: (Looking at the Yucky-Trash Eater 5,000,000) Um, whats that for?  
  
iluvlinkinpark: This ( (Throws Kikyo into it ant turns it on)  
  
Kikyo: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (is shredded up like garbage)  
  
iluvlinkinpark: (Walks over to Jaken and pulls out Tetsusaiga in one hand and Tenseiga in the other)  
  
Jaken: Um, who are you? And what are you planning on doing with those swords? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! (Is killed by Tetsusaiga then revived by Tenseiga repeatedly)  
  
iluvlinkinpark (After being revived again) Here you go ugly (Hands Jaken a mirror)  
  
Jaken: Why thank you (Looks into the mirror) THAT FACE! ITS SO HORRABLE! (dies from shock)  
  
Miroku: And there you have it.  
  
Sango: Another chapter completed  
  
Fluffy-sama: So does that mean?  
  
The Saiyan: That's right people. I'm back with a vengeance! 


	19. Chapter 19

Cattails: I'm ba-ack!  
  
Vegeta: yes, like a recurring butt rash, you're back.  
  
Cattails: *glare* anyway, I have another plan.  
  
Shippou: ok, you know this is gonna get weird.  
  
Cattails? may I do the disclaimer? (if so, then here it is.)  
  
Cattails: The Saiyan does not own Inuyasha. That privilege belongs to the great and omnipotent Rumiko Takahashi, before whom we should all bow in reverence.  
  
Cattails: Shall we torture our dearly derranged idiots today?  
  
Kagome: oh, yes, lets.  
  
Cattails: Right then, since I'm too lazy to track all of them down, I have a simple way to bring them to us.  
  
Shippou: Who is it gonna be this time?  
  
Inuyasha: Kouga the Delusional? Hojo the Oblivious? Jakken the Increddibly Ugly?  
  
Kagome: Kikyou the "why can't you just stay dead" clay pot?  
  
Cattails: all of them. What's the most idiotic thing you can think of on tv?  
  
Kagome: Teletubbies? Barney? Bob the Builder?  
  
Inuyasha: pokemon? Digimon? Yu-gi-oh?  
  
Shippou:...Ricki (sp) Lake?  
  
Cattails: BINGO! get the kid a prize! day time talk shows have the intellegence factor of approximately -573. about the same IQ as the four idiots. So, we have them come to our talk show and torture them!  
  
Sango: and we do this how?  
  
Cattails: *swings staff* easy. *all necessary items for a talk show materialize.*  
  
Miroku: *envious of staff*  
  
Hojo: talkshow...senses..tingling! must be a new one on... *gravitates to spot where heros of story are* oh! I might get on the show!  
  
Kouga: *running to the North* I bet Kagome went this way... *sniff sniff* hey! I smell a new talk show! *turns around and runs to the South*  
  
Kikyo: Inuyasha WILL die with me! ... after i watch this new talk show i just detected... hey a use for my miko powers at last!  
  
Jakken: Lord Sesshoumaru! i am always ready to serve you, beckon to your every command, grant your sillyest- *is lifted off the ground by Sesshoumaru* whim?  
  
Fluffy-sama:stupid useless toad. *throws Jakken far away*  
  
Jakken: *lands near set* oh! a TALK SHOW!  
  
*the four stooges sit in the stands*  
  
TS: Salutations, welcome to the talk shoew that bloodlust built... I'm The Saiyan, TS, for the convenience of typing, and this is my co-host, Cattails!  
  
Cattails: hello, ladies and gentlemen... wait, we don't seem to have any of those in the audience. anyway! greetings! I need four victims! I mean, volunteers! on the stage! *predictably, Kikyo, Hojo, Kouga, and Jakken rush to the stage*  
  
TS: great! You! *points to hojo* whats your name?  
  
Hojo: hojo!  
  
TS: right then, Hoho... step up to the platform.  
  
Hojo: *steps up* and it's hojo.  
  
TS: Hobo! sorry about that!  
  
Hojo: um, my name's Hojo, and do i get to talk about my problems like on other talk shows?  
  
Cattails: no.  
  
Hojo: well, i like this girl, and i'm always gving her stuff cuz she's always sick, but she blows off my dates... it's almost as if she has no interest in me! So anyway-  
  
Cattails: *covers his mouth* *sarcasm* Einstein's got a theory... Hojo, get ready to meet some special guests...  
  
Hojo: Wonderful! i LOVE meeting new people! I wonder if they'll be my friends...  
  
Cattails: right...  
  
TS: *in heavy gloves* *brings out large metal padlocked box**opens box & runs like hell*  
  
*tiny eyes glow in the darkness*  
  
Hojo: oh! animals I love animals...  
  
Cattails: I'm sure you do. why don't you go...PET them...?  
  
Hojo: oh! yay! *walks up to box and is attacked by the carnivorous squirrels* (hey, they haven't eaten human flesh in a few chapters...so...)  
  
Kikyou: i recognize those squirrels! hey, don't I know you hosts from somewhere?  
  
Cattails: of course not!  
  
Kikyou: oh. okay!  
  
Hojo: X__X  
  
TS: one down, three to go!  
  
Kagome: can I kill off Kikyou?  
  
Cattails: knock yourself out. And now, another very special guest... Kagome Higurashi!  
  
Kagome: Kikyou, come on down! we're gonna play a game. If you lose, you get a small penalty...loserssaywhat!  
  
Kikyou: what?  
  
Kagome: you lose! your penalty is... being turned inside out and tied to a dead gorilla for 18 years before being sliced into itty bitty pieces and shoved into a tupperware box! mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
Kikyou: *is turned inside out and then tied to a dead gorilla for 18 years before being sliced into itty bitty pieces and shoved into a tupperware box*  
  
Inuyasha: my turn to bump someone off... the putrid toad or the mangy wolf...?  
  
Jakken: am I to be featured?  
  
Inuyasha: the toad.  
  
Cattails: You! Toad...thing. come on down!  
  
Inuyasha: we're going to play a bit of roulette... Jakken, you're the ball.  
  
*giant roulette wheel is brought out*  
  
Inuyasha: place your bets!  
  
Cattails: oh, i love this game... always win, that i do...my bet is on... the little symbol that has Jakken burned at the stake.  
  
Kagome: my moneys on the one with Jakken in the gallows.  
  
TS: I'll bet... stabbed to death.  
  
Shippou: twenty bucks on shark tank.  
  
Sango: hmm... I'd like to see him trampled on by asian elephants.  
  
Miroku: it's against the teachings of Buddha to gamble, so i'm making an EDUCATED GUESS on...thrown in an iron maiden.  
  
Vegeta: oh, struck by lightning repeatedly... that one's interesting...  
  
Inuyasha: and i'll go with sliced into smithereens  
  
with a legendary sword.  
  
*jakken is thrown onto wheel and spun*  
  
Jakken: *lands on a black triangle with a skull & crossbones on it.* ha! you all lose!  
  
Inuyasha: on the contrary. we all win.  
  
*jakken is burned at the stake, hung, stabbed, thrown in a shark tank, trampled, thrown in an iron maiden, struck by lightning, and sliced by a well known phantom sword...*  
  
Kouga: yo, flea-bitten feline! am i gonna be in this or what?  
  
Cattails: why you... can i rip him apart with my bare hands?  
  
TS: but I haven't gotten to kill anyone yet.  
  
Cattails: ok, YOU rip him apart with YOUR bare hands!  
  
TS: better idea. Kagome, gonna need your help with this one...  
  
*later*  
  
Kagome: *all seductively* Kouga... i have finally decided to become your woman.  
  
Kouga: really?  
  
Kagome:... NO!*pins kouga to tree with sacred arrow*  
  
TS: *uncaps lipstick* this is where the fun begins.*  
  
Cattails: oh! we're gonna make him PRETTY!  
  
Everyone but Vegeta: *adlibs i wanna help, this'll be fun, type things.*  
  
*later again*  
  
Kouga: *in pink ballerina tutu, mak-up to rival Mimi from the Drew Carey Show, and other horribly girly affectations*  
  
Cattails: she's an embarassment to the gender. *evil grin* *uncaps super glue* *glues everything on* kagome, remove the arrow...  
  
Kagome: *evil grin as well* *breaks spell*  
  
Kouga: *wakes up* *looks down...*  
  
*miles away, in the USA, an echo is heard, rolling across the continents*  
  
american joe: dude, what was that  
  
american bob: sounded like a sonic boom.  
  
american jan: or like, a really really, like, loud... thing...y'know?  
  
american tarcsichari: omg! like, yea!  
  
*back in japan, all people within the immediate vicinity have gone temporarily deaf*  
  
japanese tamaki: that was really loud!  
  
japanese takanori:what?  
  
Inuyasha: ow, my ears...you stupid wolf, what the fuck was the big idea, screaming like that?!  
  
Kouga: *dies of embarassment*  
  
Cattails: well, that takes care of that.  
  
Vegeta: good, then you can leave now?  
  
Cattails: not just yet. *whacks Vegeta upside the head then disappears*  
  
TS: (Laughing at Vegeta)  
  
Vegeta: Shut up baka.  
  
TS: Anyways, I was told that this story was beginning to lose its touch. So I'll see what I can do to bring the insanity back. Ja ne! 


	20. Chapter 20

The Saiyan: Hi everybody!  
  
Vegeta: Oh hell no  
  
Inu: That's right. It's time to kill Jaken and Kikyo!  
  
Sango: But before we begin, The Saiyan does not own Inuyasha  
  
Kag: And the chapter idea belongs to kasia matsubishi

We find Miroku with Kikyo (Gasp)

Miroku: Damn your spell Kikyo (Starts to feel Kikyo up)  
  
Kikyo: Oh Miroku  
  
Miroku: Kikyo. Will you please bear my child? (In spiteful voice)  
  
Sango: (Walks over to see that Kikyo has Miroku in a spell) Kikyo! You bitch! (Throws her big boomerang at kikyo)  
  
Kikyo: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Head gets sliced off) XX  
  
Sango: (Picks up head) Now what are we going to do with this?  
  
Fluffy-Sama: (Suddenly appears) I know what we could do with it. Give it to me.  
  
Sango: OK (Gives him kikyo's head)  
  
Fluffy-Sama: Thank you (Disappears just as mysteriously has he appeared)  
  
Miroku: Hey, how did he disappear like that?  
  
Sango: How the hell should I know. I didn't write this fic

(Many days later. Now its Christmas time! YAY!)

Fluffy-Sama: Here Jaken. Merry Fucking Christmas (Gives him a present)  
  
Jaken: Thank you mi lord. (Opens the present to reveal Kikyo's head) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! (Screams and runs around like a chicken with it's head cut off)  
  
Fluffy-Sama: There's an idea (Takes Tokijin and hacks Jaken into many many pieces then revives him with tensuiaga. Gives him a mirror)  
  
Jaken: Thank you. (Looks in the mirror) ITS UGLY! (Bursts into flames)  
  
Kagura: And now one left to go (Magically turns kikyo back into a clay pot)  
  
Fluffy-Sama (Puts Jaken in a microwave and burns up his remains, then sticks tem in the clay pot, then revives them both)  
  
Jaken: Why is it so dark?  
  
The clay pot: WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON?!?!  
  
Fluffy-Sama: Your death. (Throws the microwave into the river)  
  
Jaken/Clay Pot: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!1 (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPP) XX  
  
Kagura: Now all we have to do is kill of Homo  
  
Fluffy-Sama: I think that's Hobo  
  
Inu: No, It's Hoho  
  
Kag: It's dumbass. Look (Points at Hojo)  
  
Everybody: (Looks at Hojo)  
  
Hojo: (Is standing in a toilet) I wonder what this does? (Flushes it) COOL RIDE! (Goes down the toilet and drowns) XX  
  
Everybody: (Falls down Anime style)  
  
Miroku: Well there you have it. Another fine story of killing Jaken and Kikyo. How many times does that make?  
  
Inu: I don't know. I lost count after 5  
  
Kag: Anyways, come on Inu-Chan (Drags him to the nearest closet)  
  
(Suddenly noises and moans can be heard)  
  
Sango: They sure don't waste any time do they?  
  
Miroku: Nope. When can we do that? (Grabs her ass)  
  
Sango: HENTAI! (Slaps him) (Whispers) How about when all the readers are gone?  
  
Miroku: (Whispers back) Deal  
  
The Saiyan: Well that's all for now. Ja ne


	21. Chapter 21

TS: Hey everybody. I'm finally up-dating this story!  
  
Vegeta: And here we all thought you had died  
  
Inu: (Nods head in agreement)  
  
TS (Sarcastic voice) I feel so loved. (Normal voice) Well I for one am going to personally like this chapter.  
  
Kag: And why is that?  
  
TS: Because we get to kill them DBZ style! Anyways, I own nothing. This chapter idea belongs to Girlloki  
  
Inuyasha and the gang where just sitting around  
  
Inu: I'm bored.  
  
Kag: Me too  
  
(Naraku, Hobo, er, Hojo, Kikyo, and Jaken appear)  
  
Inu: (Smiles) I know what we can do. We can go and kill………………….  
  
(The 2 love birds and the 4 idiots are suddenly transported to the DBZ Realm)  
  
Kag: (Is on top of Inu. Sits up) Where are we?  
  
Vegeta: Kagome. Could you wait till you two are alone before you try to do any of your nightly activities?  
  
Kag: (Blush)  
  
Chi-Chi: Who are these people?  
  
Bulma: Vegeta you know them?  
  
Vegeta: Sadly  
  
Inu: (Sits up But doesn't notice Kag on him. Either that or he likes her being on him) Nice to see you too Vegeta  
  
Gohan: (Walks up to Kag) Hi. My name is Gohan  
  
Piccolo: (Glares at Jaken) SPECIAL BEAM CANNON! (Sends Jaken to the HFIL)  
  
Yamcha: Piccolo! What the hell was THAT for?  
  
Piccolo: The, er, whatever the hell it was stole my look.  
  
Yamcha: (Looks at his like he's insane)  
  
Gohan: (Smiles) Makes sense to me  
  
Naraku: Now's our chance Kikyo. Attack the black haired woman!  
  
(Naraku and Kikyo start to attack Chi-Chi but get stopped by Gohan)  
  
Kikyo: Back off kid  
  
Gohan: Go to hell motha fucka (Goes ssj4 and beats the hell out of Naraku and Kikyo)  
  
Vegeta: (Mutters) Damn author making him a sj4 but me only ssj3  
  
Bulma: What was that Vegeta?  
  
Vegeta: Nothing  
  
Hojo: (Walks up to Bulma) Hello. I like older women. Would you like to go see a movie with me on Saturday?  
  
Vegeta: (Is first shocked, then pissed off) How about Hell?  
  
Hojo: Never seen it. Is it good?  
  
Vegeta: Well how about I show you. BIG BANG ATTACK! (Completely obliterates Hojo)  
  
Yamcha: See that Bulma. You married a maniac. If you come back to me I'll treat you right  
  
Bulma: YOU ASS! BIG BANG ATTACK! (Kills Yamcha)  
  
Vegeta, Inu, and Kag: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
TS: Sorry Girlloki, I know you wanted Vegeta to kill Yamcha, but I thought this way would be funnier  
  
Vegeta: But where the hell did she learn my Big Bang Attack?  
  
Kag: Internet  
  
Vegeta: (Only looks at her)  
  
Inu: Anyways, I guess that this is all for now. So don't forget to review. 


	22. Chapter 22

TS: And I am back with another chapter courtesy of the lovely and talented Cattails! Also I own nothing.  
  
Kag: I just got a package from a crazy relative I'd never heard of before!  
  
Inu: Wow... this is a bit suspicious...  
  
Shippou: Oh! presents!  
  
Sango: Well, open it, Kag-chan!  
  
Kag: (opens box) (reads card) "To my step neice, twice removed, with love. I sent this to you on the off chance you could use it should you ever have exploits in the past in which you torture four witless victims with a vast array of different forms of pain. Also, the contents of this box, as well as the characters utilized in this story, do not belong to me or the reigning author of this story... they belong to Rumiko Takahashi, who probably swims in her millions every day. Good Luck!"  
  
Miroku: Wow, that was oddly specific...  
  
Cattails: (sitting at home) I'm not REALLY related to Kag, I just thought that stuff would be...useful. tee hee hee. Besides... MY crazy aunts send me odd stuff all the time!  
  
Kag: There's alot of stuff in here... what's this? "french chef in a box...just add water." hm.  
  
Fluffy-sama: Your mindless prattle continues without bounds, Jaken. I shall be forced to dispose of you.  
  
Jaken: eh?  
  
Rin: Fluffy-sama says, 'hasta la vista, baby!'  
  
Jaken: (is drop-kicked over the horizon) I grow tired of this treatment. (looks up) oh, no.  
  
TS: Oh no is right! hey, I actually have a PART here!  
  
Cattails: (appears) You know I wouldn't leave out one of my favorite authors from his own story! (disappears)  
  
TS: She really creeps me out. and so do you, you disgusting... frog, I think...what ARE you, anyway?  
  
Kag: Dead. (adds water to FCIAB)  
  
FCIAB: oh ho ho! a leetle froggie! an ugly froggie, but c'est la vive. i shall make ze beegest frog legs ze culinary arts 'ave ever seen! Viva la France!  
  
Jaken: ah! (is deep fried in batter and served to Goshinki.)  
  
Kag: what else is in here?  
  
Vegeta: who cares?  
  
Cattails: (appears) oh come on, you don't find any of this even MILDLY amusing?  
  
Vegeta: no.  
  
Cattails: then why are you still here? (disappears)  
  
Vegeta: She creeps ME out, too.  
  
Kag: pottery glaze. I know where THIS is going...  
  
Kikyo: Inu! Enough wasting time! it is your DUTY to die with me!  
  
Shippou: She has GREAT timing!  
  
Kag: (smirk) Kikyo, how could I ever think I was even CLOSE to your power? I am only an immitation of your greatness. please, take this as a token of my respect for you. (hands kikyo pottery glaze w/ a stick of dynomite in it) 3...2...1...  
  
BLAM!!  
  
Kikyo: (all covered in glaze) can't...move...!  
  
TS: oops! (knocks kikyo into a kiln)  
  
Kikyo: (is now pottery)  
  
Kag: (pulls mallet out of box) (smashes Kikyo to bits)  
  
Inu: wow, your step-aunt twice removed really knows what she's doing!  
  
Kag: except for this... (pulls out orange juice concentrate) that's useless! (tosses it away)  
  
Hojo: what's this? "concentrate"? (stares blanky at can)  
  
Random passer by: whatcha doin'?  
  
Hojo: concentrating. (dies of starvation weeks later because he was concentrating too hard to remember to eat)  
  
Kag: (pulls out odd pinkish staff-type-thing) this looks like what Sailor Moon uses...  
  
TS: well, give it a wave!  
  
Kag: this isn't gonna change my outfit, is it?  
  
Vegeta: maybe it'll be an improvement.  
  
Kag: (death glare Vegeta) (swings scepter) ("pretty Sailor scouts" theme plays) hmm. doesn't look like anything happened. (checks batteries) they're in backweards! no wonder.  
  
Koga: (runs up) (looks like sailor moon)  
  
Miroku: well, you look... different! again...  
  
Koga: what is it with you people and making me a transvestite?  
  
Vegeta: you wish it on yourself. YOU'RE the one wearing a FUR MINISKIRT.  
  
Koga: IT'S NOT A MINISKIRT!  
  
Vegeta: whatever you say, missie.  
  
Koga: why, you...!  
  
Kag: a furby? garbage! (tosses it over shoulder)  
  
furby: (lands near koga) furby wuvs you!  
  
Koga: AH! it's horrible, it's sickening! IT'S INSANITY! (dies of furby overdose)  
  
TS: damn. we lose more idiots that way.  
  
Cattails: (appears) this'll be my last appearance in this review/chapter thing! I PROMISE! I just wanna say, toodles, everyone! you have not seen the last of me! (dissappears)  
  
Inu: how the hell does she DO that?  
  
Vegeta: WHY the hell does she do that?  
  
Cattails: (appears) ok, I lied. (whacks Vegeta upside the head) I think I may have to make that a tradition. (disappears)  
  
TS: I have to agree with her there  
  
Vegeta: You're just saying that 'cause you think she's cute  
  
TS: That may be true but i realy wonder how she dissapears like that.  
  
Inu: Why?  
  
TS: Cause it kinda FREAKS ME OUT! Anyways, thats all for now. Later 


	23. Chapter 23

The Saiyan: Hey everybody! I'm back with a brand new chapter for The many ways to kill Jaken and Kikyo!

Vegeta: So you want a cookie?

Shippo: I want one!

Shippo's girlfriend: Me too!

Kag: Here you go (Gives Shippo and Shippo's girlfriend a cookie)

Both:

Miroku: Should you say it or shall I?

Inu: Be my guest Miroku

Miroku: The Saiyan does not own anything in this chapter. The plot belongs to Megu-chan1

Jaken and Kikyo where walking in the forest when they ran into a sprite

Sprite: Hey look! It's dumb and ass

Jaken: (Looks around) WHERE?

Kikyo: (Doing the same) I don't see them

Sprite: (sweatdrops) Never mind. Look what I got (Pulls out acid)

Jaken: (Looks at it) Isn't that acid?

Sprite: Um…………………………no?

Kikyo: Good enough for me (Takes the acid and starts to drink it)

Jaken: HEY! Don't hog it all! (Takes it and starts drinking it)

Kikyo/Jaken (Drink acid until they eventually die) XX

Sprite: That was fun! (Walks away playing the Japanese theme song of Dragonball GT)

(Suddenly Kenshin appears out of nowhere)

Kenshin: What has happened? (Looks and sees the dead bodies of Jaken and Kikyo) Well they deserved it that they did. (walks off and runs into Hojo)

Hojo: Hi! You're a pretty girl. Do you wanna go fuck sometime?

Kenshin: 00 You did not just call me a girl! Heiten Metsarugi style ((I have NO idea how to spell it)) Special Hojo killing attack! (Uses the reverse blade sword and slices Hojo right in half, sending the top half into Naraku, sending him into a conveniently placed tank of sharks.)

Mysterious voice: KENSHIN WINS. DOUBLE FATALITY. FLAWLESS VICTORY.

Kenshin: Oro?

Sango: Mortal Kombat voice?

Inu: So what? It's an awesome game!

The Saiyan: Hell ya it is!

Fluffy-Sama: And now we're at the end of the chapter. And Damn it you still haven't gave me my real name back!

Kagura: Oh well fluffy. Well until The Saiyan decides to up-date, whenever that is, that's all for now. Ja ne!


	24. Chapter 24

The Saiyan: Hey everyone! Time for a well deserved killing of Jaken and Kikyo! 

Vegeta: And I STILL cant belief that this thing lasted for about 23 chapters!

Inu: Just goes to show you how much people REALY like to kill these 2

Rin: Lets start the chapter already!

Kag: The Saiyan owns nothing. The idea belongs to Lord Destroyer

The Saiyan: Speaking of which, I just happen to know how to bring him in right now.

Fluffy-Sama: And how's that? By Magic?

Miroku: And this would surprise you HOW?

The Saiyan: Not with magic. With this! (Pulls out a watch)

Sango: (Looks at it) It's one of those…watchie-thingamabobs

Vegeta: It's called a watch. Although how he's going to do that I'm not sure. Now that I think about it a lot of this stuff doesn't make sense…

The Saiyan: (Pushes a button on the watch) (The Destroyer appears) Welcome to the show

Lord Destroyer: Thanks. I'm not sure how you did that though…

Kag: Trust us. A lot of the things he does doesn't make sense

Sango: True…

Kagura: (Sniffs LD) You smell like a half human, but I don't smell any demon blood in you

Lord Destroyer: That's because I'm half human and half wolf. And no, I'm not a werewolf.

Kagura: Ah

Lord Destroyer: I was wondering Miroku. Would you please be so kind as to show me your wind tunnel?

Miroku: Certainly. WIND TUNNEL! (Unleashes his wind tunnel)

(Hojo just happens to appear and walks in front of Miroku)

Hojo: Hello Kagome. Are you feeling any better? Would you like to go out with… (Gets sucked into Miroku's Wind Tunnel)

Kag: Well that was easy

The Saiyan: Yep. Lets see. Next on the list is…(Pulls out list) Ah. Kouga

Kouga: What about me?

Lord Destroyer: Nothing you should be concerned with

The Saiyan: Now those on the other hand… (Points below Kouga)

Kouga: Hu? (Looks down to find ordinary earth worms) So what? They're just a bunch of stupid little worms

Worms: Oh. He did NOT just say that! ATTACK! (Worms begin to eat Kouga)

Kouga: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Is eaten by earth worms)

Inu: Next!

Rin: That would be Jaken. YAY!

Sango: Where IS Jaken anyways?

Inu: (Shrugs his shoulders)

Vegeta: And where's the other guy at?

Kag: (Does the same thing Inuyasha did)

Vegeta: (Anime sweat-drop) Why do I even bother?

The Saiyan: (Shrugs his shoulders)

Vegeta: WILL YOU KNOCK THAT OFF ALREADY?

Miroku: (Points to the east) There he is

(Everybody turns to find Lord Destroyer with a lighter and hair spray) Die Jaken! (Lights the lighter and sprays the hair spray at Jaken, creating a cheaply-made flame thrower)

Jaken: NOT AGAIN! (Gets roasted)

Lord Destroyer: (Picks up the now roasted Jaken) Here you go Shippo. Frogs legs

Shippo: Is this Jaken?

Lord Destroyer: Um………………………………... No?

Shippo: Oh. OK then. (Eats the roasted Jaken and gets VERY sick and pukes all over Naraku)

Naraku: I CANT SEE! I CANT SEE! (Runs around and falls off a cliff) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Lands in a pot of boiling water) Wow. That was close. (Reads the sign that states 'Cannibal's Festival. Year of eating Monkeys) (Sweat-drops) Shit (Is eaten by many many cannibals)

Lord Destroyer: Only one more to go. Will you come here Lady Kikyo?

Kikyo: And why should I do that?

Kag: Because he has Twinkies

Kikyo: (Looks extremely happy) TWINKIES! (Runs over to LD) TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES! TWINKIES!

Lord Destroyer: SHUT UP ALREADY! (Pulls out his pink light saber and slashes her up) (Pulls out a flam thrower) Take this BIOTCH! (Turns the flam thrower to maximum power and completely incinerates her)

Kagura: Well that's everybody

Kag: And we all know what that means

The Saiyan: The end of another chapter

Miroku: Well that's all for now

Inu: And don't forget to vote on if you would like Ranma and Akane to make an appearance with us. Bye for now


	25. Chapter 25

**The Saiyan:** Hello everybody! Sorry it took so long but I was kinda busy with preparing for collage and all that 

**Vegeta:** Sure you where...

**Inu:** I agree with Vegeta

**The Saiyan:** Well nobody asked you two. But on a lighter note I do have a special guest

**Kagome:** Who's that?

**The Saiyan:** Why no other then the great Ranma Satome and Akane Tendo!

(A distant noise is heard)

**Voice:** RANMA NO BAKA!

(Ranma comes flying into the room and lands face-first on Miroku's head)

**Miroku**: (Swirlly-eyes)

**The Saiyan:** And that would be Ranma

(Akane storms into the room and stands on Ranma)

**The Saiyan:** And that would be Akane Tendo

**Akane:** (Shakes my hand) It's a pleasure to be hear T.S

**The Saiyan:** The pleasure's all mine. Would you care to do the disclaimer Akane?

**Akane:** Sure. T.S owns nothing. This chapter Idea belongs to moonlightdemonKita

**Kikyo:** (Runs into 2 adorable twin girl) Hello there Kanna: (Different Kanna) Hello will you show us how to shoot arrows?  
**  
Hanna:** We aren't very good at it

**Kikyo:** Of course I will just watch me (Stands in front of them and points arrow at tree)

**Twins:** (Smile evilly to each other and shoot her in the back too many times to count and laugh evilly as she turns to ashes)

**Hojo:** (Walks into the woods and sees a girl throwing daggers at a tree) Hello my names Hojo and I was wondering if you would like to go to the movies with me this Saturday

**Kimbianu:** (Whistles and giant 3-heaed dog shows up) Cerberus lunch! (Points at Hojo and Cerberus eats him leaving a very bloody mess) Good puppy (Pets Cerberus)

**Naraku:** (Walks around and runs into a young Kitsune child)

**Yumi:** Hi mister monkey Ketchup packet!

**Naraku:** I am Naraku not whatever it was you just called me

**Yumi:** You're right you smell more like old moldy french cheese

**Naraku:** (Stabs Yumi in the arm with one of his tentacles)

**Saesina:** (Jumps out of nowhere baring her fangs and hacks Naraku to tiny pieces starting with his head) No body lays a hand on my sister got that you dead piece of shit!

**Jaken:** (Walks around and finds a bottle of with plastic explosive stuff in it) Well I am thirsty (Drinks it and blows up)

**Kita:** Yea we did it! everyone give a bow Twins: We only listen to master Lita!

**Kita:** you morons I am Master Lita…sort of anyways now bow to TS and everyone else!

**Sae:** I bow to no one so you can kiss my ass!

**Kimbianu:** same here!

**Kita:** (Growls and forces everyone to bow) There now see ya (All 5 leave)

**Vegeta:** Well

**The Saiyan:** That was

**Ranma:** Unexpected

(All 3 males nod)

**The Saiyan:** Hey Ranma. How about teaching me some of that Anything-Goes-Martial-Arts?

**Ranma:** Sure

(We both leave and train)

**Kag:** Boys

**Akane:** You said it

(Both sigh)

**Akane:** Well since T.S isn't here I guess we should end the chapter

**Kag:** Looks that way

**Akane:** Well that's all for now

**(Sign in the background) Review now or taste the wrath of Akane's cooking!**


	26. Chapter 26

The Saiyan: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! 

Inu: Did you REALLY have to do that?

The Saiyan: No, not really.

Miroku: (Looking slightly annoyed) Well at least he's honest

The Saiyan: Well I think that my lovely readers, especially the hot girls out there, have waited long enough for an update on this story, so its about time I give them one. And this time the plot will belong to………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………...………………………………... ME! Making my grand total of original plots to…..2

Inu: Can we just start killing them already?

The Saiyan: Sure. Why not?

Miroku: The Saiyan does not own anything…except for the plot…for once

The Saiyan: (Knocks Miroku out)

Sango: (Walks into my room) Hey T.S

The Saiyan: (Looks over) Hey Sango

Sango: Whacha doin?

The Saiyan: Playin Resident Evil Outbreak

Sango: Which one?

The Saiyan: File 2

Sango: Can I play?

The Saiyan: (Pulls out his friends PS2 that was left) Sure

Sango: Cool (grabs a controller and starts playing) Hey! Why does that Zombie look like Kikyo?

The Saiyan: (Smirks) Cause I put her there. (Looks at the screen) Didn't I Kikyo?

Kikyo: (From the screen) DAMN YOU T.S! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE IM GOINT TO… (Gets blasted with a Bazooka by Sango)

The Saiyan: Nice shot. Wanna go see what the others are up to?

Sango: Sure

(Both turn off the PS2 and walk outside and run into Jaken)

Jaken: (singing, not noticing anything) Bob the Builder CAN WE FIX IT?

The Saiyan: No, its broken…HEY! YOUR NOT DAVID! (Pulls out a shit-load of sub-machine riffles) TAKE THIS YOU…YOU…What the hell are you anyways?

Jaken: You know I'm not to sure myself

The Saiyan: Oh well (Uses both guns to obliterate Jaken, and then some)

Sango: Overkill much?

The Saiyan: (Rub back of his head slightly embarrassed) Well…I had to make sure that he was dead…didn't I?

Sango: Whatever you say. Who do we have now? And why are we the only ones here

The Saiyan: We have Homo…hobo…hoho…whatever the hell his name is, and Naraku. As for why we're the only ones here…I'm not sure

Sango: (Shrugs and follows him as they search for homo the hobo and the monkey)

The Saiyan: Here jack-ass jack-ass jack-ass. Where are you?

Sango: (Looks at him) You don't seriously think that's going to work do you?

Hojo: (appears out of thin air) You called?

The Saiyan: (Smirks at Sango in a 'Told you it would work' type of way)

Sango: (Sticks her tongue out at him)

Hojo: What do you want? I heard you calling for me

The Saiyan: Well Hojo I want to let you know…….that….uh….you….won a prize?

Sango: (smacks her head)

Hojo: Really? That's great! (turns to Sango) By the way, would you like to go to the movies with me this Saturday?

Sango: (Looks repulsed) I think I'll pass

Hojo: So what do I win?

The Saiyan: (Grins in a very evil way) You win all the food that you can eat! (pulls out a table full of food)

Hojo: REALLY! AWSOME! (Sits at the table and takes one bite of the food) GAK! (Melts away)

Sango: What the hell did you do to that food T.S?

The Saiyan: (Looks at her) I forgot to mention that the food was prepared by both Akane AND Media didn't I?

Sango: Now that was just plane mean!

The Saiyan: So sue me

Sango; I'm pretty sure a lot of people do

The Saiyan: (Remembers all of the people that he pissed of) Ya. That's a lot of people…

Sango: Well lets just find Naraku so we can finish this damn chapter and maybe we can find out where everybody else is at

The Saiyan: (Nods) You know I just cant help but think that I'm forgetting something though

Sango: We'll worry about that later. Now where in the blue hell could Naraku be?

The Saiyan: Why don't we have him come to us?

Sango: And how are we going to do that?

The Saiyan: Simple. We shall build a trap for him.

Sango: well you do that then

The Saiyan: Ok

Half an hour later

The Saiyan: Ok I'm done

Sango: Please tell me your joking!

(The trap consists of a box being propped up by a stick and a banana inside the box. The stick has a string tied around it)

The Saiyan: Nope. Now watch

Naraku: (Walks up and sees the box) Now really! What kind of idiot would…..hey, a banana! (goes under the box to get the banana)

The Saiyan: (Pulls the string and pulls the stick w/it, making the box fall onto Naraku)

Naraku: Help! Let me out of this damn trap!

Sango: I don't know why or how he fell in that trap but who am I to complain?

The Saiyan: Honestly I don't know but be aware I have a big plan after this

Sango: And what's that?

The Saiyan: You'll see after the end of the chapter

Sango: You mean after we kill Naraku then

The Saiyan: Yep

Naraku: (Still trapped in the box) Uh…can somebody let me out?

The Saiyan: Hm…..what do you say Sango? Shall we kill him together?

Sango: I'd be more then happy to T.S

(Sango grabs her boomerang while T.S grabs his butterfly-edge sword)

Naraku: (Finally gets out of the box and look at us) ………Shit

(Sango throws her boomerang while T.S hacks at him with his butterfly-edge)

Sango: Well that was fun

The Saiyan: Yes it was. Hey, what's this? (Picks up a piece of paper) So that's why nobody's here!

Sango: Well?

The Saiyan: Turns out that I gave everybody a week's vacation and forgot all about it

Sango: (Falls down anime style)

The Saiyan: Well it's the end of the chapter and I have a few things to say. First will be the very first Many Ways to Kill Jaken and Kikyo Christmas Bash! That's right everyone! A Christmas Bash where every single author and/or person that has ever made an appearance and/or wrote a chapter shall be gathered for 1 exciting party! I will need e-mail from everybody that has appeared in it. That includes **Cattails, GirlLoki, Guardian, ssjinpan2**, and many others. Hopefully I'll get e-mail from all those people.

Sango: And the 2nd?

The Saiyan: Well this goes out to a special friend of mine. I used to do it to her all the time and well here it goes……………………..

I like big butts and I can not lie

You other brothers can't deny

When a girl walks in with that itty biddy waist

And shakes that round thing in your face you get…………………….feelings!

Sango: (Falls down)

The Saiyan: Well thats all for now. dont forget to review. Ja Ne!


	27. Chapter 27

The Saiyan: Hello! Welcome back what might be considered another great chapter of The Many Ways to kill Jaken and Kikyo!

Inu: About time

The Saiyan: Meanie

Sango: Anyways, despite the fact that I'm still pissed off at T.S for the little stunt that he pulled earlier.

The Saiyan: Come on Sango! It's not like I did it on purpose!

Sango: So?

The Saiyan: (Sighs head in defeat). Let's just get this chapter started already

Kag: The Saiyan doesn't own a thing. The Idea for this chapter belongs to MoonStar 2005

(Sesshoumaru and Rin are, unfortunately, walking with everybody's favorite toad-like-thingy that we all love to kill)

Jaken: (Shouting). Don't leave me behind Sesshomaru-sama!

(Suddenly Kikyo steps in from the trees)

Kikyo: Sesshoumaru I will give you a dollar 25 (cents) if you help me kill Inuyasha and his little bitch.

Jaken: OMG IT'S ANOTHER HOT CHICK THAT HATES ME AND LOVES SESSHOMARU! I WILL SHOW YOU! (Burns Kikyo to nice golden crisp)

Inu: Hey! I saw that you…you…you know I really have to find out what the hell you are one of these days. (Rips Jaken apart with his claws)

Sesshoumaru: (Just stands there) Rin lets go.

Rin: Alright Fluffy-sama

(Sesshoumaru and Rin leave a rotting Jaken behind and a confuse Inuyasha behind)

Kagome: (Walks behind Inuyasha screaming). Why did you leave us behind?

(Naraku magically shows up in a pink 2-piece bikini)

Inu gang: 0.0 (Blinks)

Naraku: (Looks at Inuyasha and starts to sing badly). Don't get me wrong I love you

But does that mean I have to meet your father?

When we are older you'll understand

What I meant when I say "No"

I don't think life is quite that simple.

When you walk away

You don't hear me say please

Oh baby, don't go

Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go

Kagome: (Just looks at him)

Sango/Miroku/Shippo: (On the ground laughing as hard as they possibly can)

Naraku: (Stops singing and looks at Inuyasha). Don't fuck with the Princess.

(Hojo suddenly appears)

Hojo: (Looks at Naraku) Oh baby there you are! I have been looking every where for you

Naraku: (Screams like a little girl.) Nooooooooo He found me!

Sesshoumaru: (Returns and Kills Naraku) Annoying little monkey (Walks away)

Hojo: My true love! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (sits down and cries)

Kag: (About to die laughing)

Kouga: I the wild wolf demon am sick and tired of hearing that pathetic human wail (Eats Hojo.) 00 Oh shit…(Dies from Hojo poisoning)

The Saiyan: Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's all the time we got

Vegeta: What the hell are you talking about? We still got 20 minutes left

Inu: Well there goes getting off work early

Kag: Like you work anyways

Inu: That's beside the point

Kag: No, that IS the point

The Saiyan: Who cares? Point is that we' have successfully ended another chapter

Miroku: So why don't we just end already. And remember to review.

The Saiyan: And don't forget about the Christmas Bash being held. Author/authoress who hasn't e-mailed me yet please do. And any author/authoress that hasn't been in any of the chapters yet and wants to join e-mail me and we'll talk. Well, that's all for now. Ja ne!


	28. Christmas Special

The Saiyan: Welcome everybody to a very special Christmas edition of The Many ways to kill Jaken and Kikyo!

Vegeta: (sarcastic) Yay

Kag: Come on Vegeta. Get into the Christmas mood!

Vegeta: (Death Glare)

Kag: (Laughs nervously) Right. Anyways this chapter is going to be a bit different then the rest.

Inu: Different as in that 1) It's a party, 2) There are guests from the previous chapters, 3) Jaken, Kikyo, Hojo, and Naraku will be killed very numerous way instead of just 1, and 4) Santa clause will be here later on. And 5)….I have no idea

Everybody: (Face-faults)

Miroku: Well I guess we should get the chapter started so I can go get drunk

Sango: (Smacks Miroku) The Saiyan owns nothing except for this story and the idea of having a party. Everything else such as what happens at the party belongs to the readers who without this story would not exist.

Inu: Well that was rather long winded wasn't it?

Kag: (Smacks him) So? Now why don't you be a good boy and go decorate the Christmas tree. And Miroku and T.S can go help.

Inu/Miroku/The Saiyan: Christmas tree?

Sango: (Twitches). Don't tell me you forgot about the Christmas tree!

The Saiyan: (Chuckles nervously) Well…..there's a funny story about that……

Kag: (Twitching). Don't tell me…

Sango: (Also twitching). That you forgot…

Both: (Very angry) THE CHRISTMAS TREE?

Boys: Uh……..Wellwe'dlovetostayandchatbutwereallyneedtogogetthechristmastreesobye! (Disappear in puff of smoke) (Translation- Well we'd love to stay and chat but we really need go get the Christmas tree so bye!)

Kag/Sango: MEN! Hmph

(Insert wavy non-cheese scene transaction here)

Cloud and Goku are fighting to the tune of the Numa Numa

(Director: WRONG SCENE!)

(Changes again)

Inu: Ok now. Tell me again…WHY are we going out into the cold?

The Saiyan: To get a Christmas tree you dunce

Miroku: And so that the girls wont be mad at us

Inu: It's his fault you know! (Points at T.S)

The Saiyan: No time to point the blame on me Inu

Miroku: He's right you know…even though it IS his fault

The Saiyan: …..

Inu: So what are the girls doing?

The Saiyan: Well they're in charge of the guests and to make sure that the place is decorated

Inu: Meaning?

Miroku: Meaning that they'll make sure that we get the decorating done after we get back

Inu: Do we have to?

The Saiyan: If you don't want to wind up in the doghouse then yes.

Inu: (Death glare)

Miroku: There's a tree over there!

(All look to see a really big Pine tree)

The Saiyan: Alright Inu get working

Inu: Why am I the only one who has to chop the tree down?

Miroku: Because you're the only one with a weapon sharp enough to cut it down with

Inu: (Mumbles and cuts the tree down)

The Saiyan: Ok now let's get back before we all freeze to death

Miroku/Inu: Good idea

(Start to leave when they run into Kohoha's loudest hyper-active ninja)

The Saiyan: Hey Naruto! What are you doing here?

Naruto: Well I was going to throw a party but I forgot that my apartment is to small so I need to find a bigger place to have it at. What about you guys?

Inu: Having a party but forgot the Christmas tree.

Miroku: Naruto. Would you and your friends like to come with us at our party?

Naruto: Really?

The Saiyan: Sure.

Naruto: Yatta! And this way they don't find out that I messed up!

The Saiyan: And you get Hinata under the mistletoe

Naruto: (Blush)

Miroku: Let's hurry back before we get into even more trouble with the girls.

Inu: (Nods in agreement)

Naruto: Just let me tell everyone where to mean……..Uh….where is it anyways?

Inu: (Smacks head). Just follow us baka

(Carrying the rather large Christmas tree the Men, The Manly Men, The Men in Tights (Robin Hood men in tights….My favorite quote) made it back with not too much trouble. Dealing with Godzilla, The Batman, Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Night, and every single Power Ranger on the way, but not too much trouble.)

Miroku: And there it is

Naruto: Thanks! Now all I have to do is tell everybody else (Creates a shadow clone)

Naruto: Go tell everybody that the party is here. And make sure you come back with everybody.

Shadow Clone: (Nods and vanishes in a puff of smoke)

The Saiyan: Wow. Who would have thought that Naruto would have been smart enough to think on his own?

Inu: He didn't. He has the Kyuubi, remember?

The Saiyan: Oh ya

Sango: It's about time you guys show up!

Kag: What took you guys so long! And who is that? (Points to Naruto)

Naruto: Hi! I'm the Great Uzumaki Naruto!

Sango: So are you here for the party?

Naruto: (Nods)

Kag: How did you guys all meet anyways?

Inu/Miroku/Naruto/The Saiyan: Bar

Shippo: Is that the Christmas tree? Is it is it is it?

Inu: No it's the jack-o-lantern ya dumb-ass YES IT'S THE CHRISTMAS TREE!

Sango: Well we had better hurry because the party is supposed to start in an hour

The Saiyan: AN HOUR! SHIT! EVERYBODY GET WORKING NOW!

(An hour later)

The Saiyan: (Slumps onto the ground) There. Just in time for the party

Sesshomaru: No thanks to your lateness

Inu: What the hell are you talking about? You didn't even help!

Sesshomaru: Not the point. Furthermore……hey……I GOT MY NAME BACK!

The Saiyan: Think of it as a Christmas gift Fluffy

(Ding Dong)

Kag: Get up T.S the guests are here!

The Saiyan: Do I have to?

Sango: Well considering that it's YOUR party, I'd have to say…YES!

The Saiyan: (Gets up very quickly) I'm up I'm up! (Whispers to Miroku) She's scary when she's mad

Miroku: (Whispers). Tell me about it

Sango: What was that?

Miroku/The Saiyan: Nothing!

(Ding Dong)

The Saiyan: Shit I forgot the guests! (Opens door to find Sakura, Hinata, Shikamaru and Ino) I see that Naruto managed to get a hold and tell you where the party was

Sakura: (Nods) Ya but how do you even know Naruto anyways

The Saiyan: Meet at a bar

Sakura: (Sweat-drop) I don't even want to know

The Saiyan: Well don't stand there come on in! (Looks at sakura) Lets see…Pink hair...you must be Sakura!

Sakura: Yep! Naruto told you about me?

The Saiyan: About you guys actually. Next one….hm….only male in the group….looks very lazy…..Shikamaru I presume

Shikamaru: (Nods in a lazy way)

The Saiyan: Next girl….blond…..has crush on said lazy boy…has to be Ino!

Ino: (Blushes a bit) I do not like him! I only like Sasuke!

The Saiyan: (Mumbles) Dende knows why (out load) And the last girl…..(Looks closely) Blue hair…grey eyes….cute…has to be Hinata!

Hinata: (Blushes and looks at the ground)

The Saiyan: Naruto has told me a lot about you…who knows…maybe you'll get him under the mistletoe tonight (smiles mischievously)

Hinata: (Gives a small squeak, blushes furiously, then faints)

The Saiyan: uh…is she going to be alright?

Sakura: Don't worry. She'll be fine. She always does that whenever she's with Naruto or somebody suggests her and Naruto get together

The Saiyan: Well they're going to be after tonight

Ino: What do you have planned?

The Saiyan: A lot my dear. A lot

(Ding Dong)

Miroku: How many other people are coming?

Inu: Not sure (Answers the door) Hey Shinji!

Shinji: Hi Inuyasha

Inu: Gendo still giving you any trouble?

Shinji: Nope. Not since you lent me Tetsusaiga that is (Laughs evilly)

Rei: (Appears from behind Shinji) Shinji. What is a Tetsusaiga?

Inu: I see you brought her along as well

Rei: I do not believe that we have met

Inu: We haven't but Shinji has told me quite a lot about you

Rei: (Blinks)

Shinji: (A little nervous) Well we had better get inside before we freeze. Let's go Rei (Takes Rei's hand and goes into another room)

Kag: I think you embarrassed him Inuyasha

Inu: Not yet…

(Ding Dong)

Kag: I'll get that and Inuyasha DO NOT GO AND EMBARRASS THE GUESTS! (Answers the door to revile a cute red-headed girl with cute tanuki ears and tail)

GirlLoki: Hey Kagome!

Kag: GirlLoki! No time no see! You did chapter 21

GirlLoki: Yep!

Kag: T.S said that it was one of his favorite ones too!

GirlLoki: Yep! Oh! And I brought over a fancy Christmas tree too! (Drags over a tied-up Naraku with his tentacle decorated like a Christmas tree)

Kag: The world's ugliest Christmas tree! Let's go put that in the back next to all this faulty wiring and my home-made eggnog!

(Kag and GirlLoki drag the world's ugliest Christmas tree to the back with the faulty wiring which is below the eggnog)

GirlLoki: Are you sure it is safe?

Kag: As long as nothing happens to my eggnog I don't care!

GirlLoki: Works for me!

(Both start to leave when they felt an evil decree as the poor poor eggnog fell on top of the tree)

Kag: MY EGGNOG! NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

GirlLoki: NOT THE EGGNOG! IT DIDN'T DESERVE AN EARLY DEATH!

Naraku: Oh shit…….

(The eggnog fell on the faulty wiring resulting in my favorite word)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

The Saiyan: (Pokes head into room) Hurry up you to the fun is just starting! We have more guests and what the hell happened in here?

Kag/GirlLoki: Naraku

The Saiyan: And the eggnog?

Kag: (Bursts into tears)

The Saiyan: Uh….forget I asked. Anyways hurry up we have more guests!

(Kag and GirlLoki enter the room to see a kitsune that looks more like a wolf demon and his twin)

AmberFox: Hi Kagome!

Lyell: How are you

AmberFox: Doing today?

Kag: (Whispers to GirlLoki) Do they always

GirlLoki: Finish each other sentences? Yes.

(Ding Dong)

The Saiyan: I'll get this one (Opens the door to find a very drunk MoonStar2005)

MoonStar2005: (Slurring her words) Hey there buddy! (Grabs onto me and starts looking around) Hu? Wh…where did he go? (Looks straight at me) There you are! Don't just go all diserpair on me like that (Falls over) I think I'm going to take a nap now

Sesshomaru: (Walks in) What the hell?

The Saiyan: (Tosses her to him) She's your problem now (Walks away)

Sesshomaru: -- (Takes her over to the couch) Damn you TS

The Saiyan: Love you too Fluffy…just not in that way

(Ding Dong)

The Saiyan: Hey Miroku could you get that? I'm going to go get the You-Know-What

Miroku: Hai

Shippo: You-know-what? What's that?

The Saiyan: Nothing….Now Shippo why don't you, Rin, and Kirara go get everybody to meet Santa

Shippo: REALLY! OK! (Dashes off along with Rin and Kirara)

The Saiyan: (Laughs) Hm….I wonder how Miroku is….

Amy: (Very Loud) HENTAI! (SLAP)

The Saiyan: (Cringes) Guess that answers that question (Walks over to Amy and Miroku) Sorry about that Amy…Miroku can be…well…

Amy: A pervert!

The Saiyan: I was going to say a deprived man but ya pervert works

Amy: (Giggles)

The Saiyan: Well come on in I promise that I'm not a pervert like the monk and a pretty girl like yourself shouldn't freeze to death come on in and have some eggnog!

Kag: (Starts crying in the backyard)

The Saiyan: Uh……forget the eggnog

Amy: (Blushes and comes in anyways)

Sango: Is that all of them?

Inu: (Nods) Now the party can begin!

Kag: Has anybody seen Sesshomaru?

(All look to find Sesshomaru and MoonStar2005)

The Saiyan: You just had to ask didn't you?

Kag: What about the others?

Lyell: (Bursts into the room) Hurry up guys we're about to drown

AmberFox: Jaken in the punch bowl!

(Both disappear)

Kag/Inu/Miroku: (All rush into the dinning room)

Amy: (Looks horrified) Kill? How could you kill somebody just like that?

The Saiyan: Just come with me and you'll see how (Grabs Amy's hand and leads her into the dinning room)

Jaken: No! PLEASE! IT'S CHRISTMAS!

Lyell: Exatly so Merry Christmas! (Drowns Jaken in the punch bowl)

Amy: Oh now I see. Can I go next?

Sesshomaru: Go ahead (Revives Jaken) Just have fun with it

Amy: YAY! (Drowns Jaken again, only to have Sesshomaru revive him again)

Jaken: How many more to go?

Inu: Too many

MoonStar2005: Sucks to be you

(1 Hour of killing Jaken later….)

Shinji: Is it me or is it getting a bit chilly in here?

Naruto: Now that you mention it it is isn't it?

Hinata: (Nods and snuggles deeper into Naruto)

Lyell: Maybe we should

AmberFox: Throw a log into the fireplace (Picks up a randomly placed Kikyo)

Kikyo: What the hell? Get your filthy hands off of me!

AmberFox: Ok (Tosses her into the fireplace)

Kikyo: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Everybody laughs as Kikyo burns in a fiery death)

Rei: (Smiles at Shinji) That was most enjoyable Shinji-Kun

Shinji: (blushes a bit) You really think so Rei?

Rei: Hai

Maddy Q: Hey you too look up (Points up to show mistletoe)

Shinji: (Blushes bright red)

Rei: (Tilts head) It is a plant

Shinji: It's not that Rei but what it represents.

Rei: What does it mean?

Shinji: Well Rei when two people are under the mistletoe on Christmas they have to…well…they have to kiss (Is blushing a new shade of red)

Rei: (Looks a bit surprised and also has a light blush)

Miroku: Shinji! You can do it! You can do it all night long!

Sango/Inu/AmberFox/ Lyell/Amy/Kag/The Saiyan: (All smack Miroku on the head)

Miroku: OW!

Shinji: We don't have to do it if you don't want to

Rei: No…I…I want to kiss you Shinji (Blushing even more)

(Rei and Shinji Kiss)

Everybody: AAAAWWWW!

Rei/Shinji: (Pull apart Blushing)

The Saiyan: When are you two going to be doing that? (Points to Naruto and Hinata)

Naruto: We already did (Leans over and kisses Hinata)

Hinata: (Bright Blush)

GirlLoki: Where's Maddy Q?

Sango: And Miroku?

Inu: Maddy Q's over there (Points to the other room)

Maddy Q : (To Shikamaru) DO you believe in love at first site or should I walk past you again?

Shikamaru: Yes. Walk past me again only this time don't stop

Maddy Q: Owch!

The Saiyan: And MoonStar2005 is…..

MoonStar2005: (Making out with Sesshomaru again)

The Saiyan: Should have figured well Come on Amy its time for us to see Santa!

(Miroku comes in dressed as Santa and has a huge bag full of presents)

Rin: Santa!

Shippo: It's really him!

Kirara: MEW!

(All run to Santa)

Sango: (Chuckling) So cute

Amy: (Squinting) Is that…..

The Saiyan: Yep. I figure you don't want to…

Amy: And give him the chance? No thank you

Santa Monk: Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everybody! Come and sit on Santa's lap!

(Sango eagerly sits on Santa's lap)

Kag: Me next!

Inu: HELL NO! (Bops Miroku in the head)

Shippo: INUYASHA! Don't worry Santa. Inuyasha is always like that

Santa Monk: Unfortunitly I know but before I give out presents I have something for all of us to play.

Ino: What is it?

Santa Monk: Pin the sword In the Hojo

MoonStar2005: Yay! Can I go first?

Santa Monk: But of course.

MoonStar2005: SWEET! (Thrusts a big-ass sword into Hojo)

Hojo: OW! Watch it those things are pointy and…hey! A nickel!

Santa Monk: Ur next Inuyasha

Inu: (Smirks evilly and thrusts Tetsusaiga into Hojo)

Hojo: NO! THE HORROR! THE RATED PG13 HORROR!...Hey a dime!

(Another Hour later)

Santa Monk: Ok everybody time for presents

Everybody: PRESENTS!

Santa Monk: (Whispers to Sango) You'll have your gift later tonight

Sango: (Blushes)

Inu: (Smirks evilly) Your present is going to last all night long Kag

Kag: (Blushes)

Santa Monk: This Present is To Shippo from Kagome (Gives Shippo his gift)

Shippo: (Rips open box to revel chocolate) CHOCOLATE! Thanks Kagome!

Santa Monk: This present is to Hinata from Naruto (Gives Hinata her present)

Hinata: (Opens it very carefully to revel very rare healing herbs)N-Naruto-Kun! Thank you (Gives him a kiss on the cheek)

Santa Monk: This present is to MoonStar2005 from Both Sesshomaru and T.S

MoonStar2005: You guys….(Opens the present then quickly hides it turning red)

Sesshomaru: (Laughing out loud)

GirlLoki: What did you get?

MoonStar2005: Nothing special!

Sesshomaru: What's wrong? (Steals the box and revels her edible panties) I think they look good on you (Places them on her head)

MoonStar2005: I'm going to kill you guys….

The Saiyan: We love you too

Lyell: Who's next?

Maddy Q: Ya?

(Ok Fast forwarding to after all the presents are passed out)

Maddy Q: Thanks everybody! (Puts away her 101 pick-up-lines away)

Naruto: This was awesome! (Puts down his Ninja for dummies book)

Shikamaru: You shouldn't have (places his How not to be lazy DVD down)

AmberFox: Well like all good things

Lyell: This must come to an end

Maddy Q: But we hope you have

MoonStar2005: A very Merry Christmas

Kag: Or whatever holiday you celebrate

The Saiyan: And have a safe and happy holiday!


	29. Chapter 28

(Dragonball Z Budokai 3 Theme song starts to play)

(Vegeta and T.S start looking around franticly)

Vegeta: What the hell is going on?

The Saiyan: I don't know!

Vegeta: You don't suppose...

The Saiyan: It can't be!

(Suddenly a huge sign that says The Many Ways to Kill Jaken and Kikyo, with the Inu gang falls down and smashes both T.S and Vegeta)

Inu Gang: We're bbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk!

The Saiyan: MY SPLEEN!

Vegeta: (Knocked out)

Shippo: Well since T.S and Vegeta are both knocked out maybe one of us should do the disclaimer

The Saiyan: And while your doing that I think I'll take a nap (passes out)

Kag: The Saiyan owns nothing. This chapter idea belongs to Mo99 (Looks down) Um...Shouldn't we get them some help?

Miroku: How about after the chapter we're running behind schedule

Kag: (Walking down the forest path singing)Since you where gone. I can breath for the first time. (She then walks past Inuyasha, who was with Kikyo and sighed. Then she gets into a pink convertible) I'm moving on ya ya! (And drives over Kikyo repeatedly, laughing her head off)

Kikyo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY LEG! (Dies as her head flies off and into a McDonald's where it is turned into a hamburger)

Kag: (Hops out of the car to admire her work, with Inuyasha sulking next to her wearing a dog collar and a leash) Thanks to you. Now I get, what I want. (Grabs on to the other end of the leash) Since you where gone. (Starts tugging on the leash to get Inuyasha to leave)

Inu: (writing something in the dirt then leaves with Kagome as he doesn't want choked to death)The end?

Mo99: Possably

Sango: Well that was rather short

Mo99: Well I got my reasons right Fluffy-kun?

Fluffy-Sama: (Grumbling) All this time and I'm still treated like this?

Mo99: Aw don't complain Fluffy-kun! (Glomps him)

Fluffy-Sama: Kill me

Inu: This reminds me of the Sasuke fan club

Shippo: Um...is T.S supposed to be turning blue?

Miroku: Perhaps we should get the sign off of him. A little help Sesshomaru?

Mo99: I'm afraid that Fluffy-kun is a little busy right now. (Laughs and glomps him again)

Fluffy-Sama: Why me?

Inu: I guess I'll help. After all if he dies then we're out of a job (Helps Miroku lift the sign off of T.S and Vegeta)

Kag: Well they should be fine with a little rest. But who's gonna play nurse coughBabysitcough?

Miroku: Just let the readers decide.

Shippo: Where did Fluffy-Sama go?

Mo99: Let's go Fluffy-kun. You'll have plenty of fun at my house! (Drags him away)

Fluffy-Sama: And don't forget to review!

Mo99: MOVE IT! (Drags Fluffy-Sama away even faster)


	30. Chapter 29

The Saiyan: (All wrapped up in bandages) Hello everybody. And welcome to another update for The Many Ways to Kill Jaken and Kikyo! (Winces in pain) memo to self...don't do that again.

Inu: Well considering that you look like a mummy at the moment I would have to agree

The Saiyan: Well I wouldn't be like this if SOMEONE would have gotten that damn sign off of me!

Inu: We did get it off

The Saiyan: Ya but that wasat 10 THIS MORNING!

Inu: Still got it off you though

The Saiyan: I'll deal with you later Sango the disclaimer please?

Sango: The Saiyan owns nothing. This chapter idea belongs to AmberFox and Lyell

AmberFox: (Is hiding in a bush, and watches Kikyo, Jaken. She then talks into a walkie-talkie) This is hot fox calling puppy boy. The birds are in the nest. Repeat. The birds are IN the nest.

Lyell: (Is hiding in a tree) Roger...wait, WHAT?

AmberFox: I mean the idiots are now in position.

Lyell: Roger. You dog breath they're in position

Inu: Who the hell came up with that code name?

Lyell: Just do your job

Inu: Fine fine. (Walks over to Kikyo and Jaken) Hey you too mind smelling this powder for me? I have a cold so I can't.

Kikyo: Oh course. Anything for my sweet Inu wookie cookie!

Inu: (Twitching while thinking) Don't kill them yet...wait for the plan...(Talking) Of course whatever you say (Hands them the powder)

Jaken: (takes a sniff) Smells like oranges (Falls asleep)

Kikyo: REALLY! (Smells it and falls asleep as well)

Inu: (In his walkie-talkie) This is dog breath to ninja boy. The cat is in the bag. Repeat. The cat is IN the bag

The Saiyan: Roger...wait, WHAT?

Inu: (sighs) The smelled the sleep powder and re now sleeping. Time to execute the plan.

The Saiyan: Oh...Roger. Ninja boy out

(1 hour later)

Kikyo: (Wakes up) Where are we?

Jaken: (Who also woke up) No idea but isn't that a vat of boiling acid underneath us?

Kikyo: (Looks down) I think that is

AmberFox: HAHAHA You see that

Lyell: Vat of boiling acid?

Inu: Well you see

The Saiyan: We're going to

AmberFox/Lyell: Dump you in it!

(Suddenly James Bond music appears as James Bond comes in) ((Sorry but due to FF's new rule I cant use the actors name in this fic))

James Bond: The name's Bond. James Bond. Now tell me. Where is your dooms-day device?

AmberFox: But we don't have

Lyell: A dooms-day device

James Bond: You don't?

Inu: Nope

James Bond: Oh (Looks up to see Jaken and Kikyo hanging over the vat of boiling acid) Why are there innocent people being suspended over a vat of boiling acid?

The Saiyan: Because they're annoying

James Bond: Oh...well ok then (Leaves in hes kick-ass car)

AmberFox/Lyell: Laugh evilly and drop Kikyo and Jaken into the acid

Inu: (Uncovers the Dooms-day device)

The Saiyan: Remind me to thank Doctor Evil for this

AmberFox: Now too

Lyell: Push the button and

AmberFox:Kill all the people who's I.Q's

Lyell: Matches those fruits!

Inu: I will STILL never get used to that

The Saiyan: You and me both (Pushes the button)

(Over half the people of planet Earth, the entire population of the Moon, and several monkeys) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S EATING MY BRAIN! (Spontaneously com-busts)

Stan: OMG! They killed Kenny!

Kyle: You bastards!

Inu: (Sweatdrop) That was kinda unexpected

The Saiyan: (Thinking) Hm...maybe I should start a running gag...

Sango: (Remembering from Carlos Mencia) If you had a personal trainer, you would probably eat him

AmberFox: Um T.S. Shouldn't we

Lyell: End the chapter now?

The Saiyan: (Snaps back to reality) Oh ya...Well...um...damn it its been too long since I did this (Winces in pain) And having injuries from that damn sign doesn't help...Anyways That's all for now. And don't forget to review! Seriously, we're starting to run out of ideas to use

Sango: And will somebody PLEASE sign up to be T.S's nurse? We can't have him die from injuries otherwise we'll be out of a job! That and non of us want to do it

The Saiyan: (In sarcastic Voice) Feel the love...


	31. Chapter 30

The Saiyan: Haha everyone. I'm still alive and kicking!

Kirarakitty: Down boy! Hits T.S with a frying pan)

The Saiyan: Owie….(Falls down unconscious)

Vegeta: And he's out…..again.

Sango: Well since T.S has the others working on that new chapter for another story we might as well get started with this one.

Vegeta: I hear you get Inuyasha in that one.

Sango: WHAT? (Blushes)

Kirarakitty: Yep. T.S has become a SangoxInuyasha fan as well

Sango: (Blushing harder) Let's just start this chapter already.

Vegeta: Fine. This chapter for once does indeed belong to the author you people love so much….who never updates……

* * *

(70's Spider-man music plays)

SPIDER-MAN!

SPIDER-MAN!

DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN!

(T.S shows up dressed as Terry Bogard)

(Music stops)

The Saiyan: It's all the rental place had left!

Vegeta: CUT!

Sango: (Shaking her head) T.S How the hell are we supposed to make this thing when you CAN'T EVEN GET THE RIGHT COSTUME!!

The Saiyan: WELL IT'S NOT MY FAULT! THE STORE CLOSES AT 5! I HAD TO DO SOME SERIOUS BARGENNING!

Vegeta: YOU LEFT AT NOON!

The Saiyan: Well you see, I ran into Kikyo and….

(Kikyo shows up completely bald and skin a hot pink color) I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!

The Saiyan: Kikyo….WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? (Points behind her)

Kikyo: What?! (Looks behind her)

The Saiyan/Vegeta: (Nods at each other) FINAL FLASH!!!

Kikyo: NNNNNOOOOOO!!!! (Is incinerated, leaving only her cloths)

Sango: (Trying to control her laughing) T.S…how…did…you….(Bursts into laughter)

The Saiyan: It started out like so…

(Insert fancy and expensive and better be worth the price I paid or I'm killing someone flashback.)

The Saiyan: Wow…I can't believe it's been so long since I last updated a story…(Walks past a fan made tombstone with his name on it) (Smiles sarcastically) I see the fans are loyal…..Oh ho! What do we have here?

Kikyo: Oooohh! Look at all these cute shoes!

The Saiyan: (Grins evily) Hehehehe time for some fun. (Puts on a ninja mask) Oh Kikyo!

Kikyo: Aaaahhh! What the hell do you want T.S?

Ninja T.S: But I can not be T.S for I am a ninja (Points to ninja mask) See? Now does T.S wear a ninja mask?

Kikyo: (Smiles and shows ugly not brushed teeth and breath that kills nearby flies) Nope! You must be him! Besides he's dead! (Points to another fan made tombstone with his name on it)

Ninja T.S: (Anime corner pout) Nobody loves me anymore.

Kikyo: Err….Anyways lets go!

Ninja T.S: Just 1 second. Turn around first and close your eyes.

Kikyo: Ok! (Closes her eyes)

Ninja T.S: Secret Art. Hair shave jutsu! (Shaves off all of Kikyo's hair)

Kikyo: AAHHHH!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!

Ninja T.S: That's my cue to leave (Ninja puff of smoke, and runs away)

Kikyo: THAT ASS! It seems like something T.S would do. But he's dead, right?

T.S: (No longer wearing a ninja mask but a fake goatee can help you of fellow evil one.

Kikyp: T.S HAS RETURNED FROM THE GRAVE! (Jumps into a pool of hot pink skin dye)

T.S (Takes off disguise) …That works too I suppose.

(End fancy and expensive and better be worth the price I paid or I'm killing someone flashback.)

T.S: And that's what happened.

Vegeta: Still doesn't explain the lack of updates you lazy ass.

Sango: Ya!

T.S: Youtube. I have my own account and 3 videos posted already. Plus school classes are a bitch now.

Vegeta: Well at any rate we need to wait till tomorrow to finish this anyways as T.S got the wrong costume…AGAIN!

Kirarakitty: Doing what? And since this is his idea why am I in it?

Sango/T.S/Vegeta: WE'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING!

T.S: Your to be my nurse remember? Though it's a little too late for that (Rubs lump on head from frying pan)

Kirarakitty: Why?

Vegeta: 'Cause the chapter is over (Screen turns black and credits roll) See?

Sango: T.S! That's too cliché! Even for you!

Kirarakitty: (Sighs) Just end it like normal before you get a second lump.

T.S: Eek! Anyways that's all for now. Anybody wants to know my you tube account just ask they should, and review they must. Ja ne!


	32. Chapter 31

The Saiyan: (Colapses from exaustion) Sorry everyone, Factory job, long unknown hours, shitty pay.

Inu: Ah, hows the pay?

The Saiyan: Random. Anywiis I also have the Nintendo Wii whihc is very fun.

Vegeta: So you've been inside your room alone playing with your wii?

Kag and Sango: (Blushes a little)

The Saiyan: Yep. Would you like to come over and play with my wii?

Vegeta: Sure!

Kag and Sango: (Blushes even more)

Inu: While Vegeta and T.S goes to play with their wii's we might as well get the story started.

Warning. Warning. T.S Owns nothing but the idea, inspired by the many many many many many many many many many many 3 hours later many deaths at the hands of Mortal Kombat Mythologies Sub-Zero

(Jaken and Kikyo are traped within the Air temple)

Kikyo: So why are we here again?

Jaken: To find the 3 symboles of the tri-force dont you remember?

(Flashback time WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)

Quan Chi: You two are to find the 3 symbols of the tri-force at the air temple.

Jaken: Only if I can have a dollar.

Quan Chi: Fujin has it.

Jaken: It's a deal!

(Flashback ends...damn dieing batteries)

Kikyo: So why am I here exactly then?

Jaken: Becaue you had nothing better to do.

Kikyo: Oh ya.

(Just then Sub-Zero came along)

Sub-Zero: Hm...those 2 dont look like the peacefull monks that tried to kick my ass earlier. HADOU-KEN! (Freezes both Jaken and Kikyo) Now what to do with them... (Uppercuts them off the cliff and they land on the collapsing platform) Damn! (The platform colaps and kills them both) Hurray!...wait, how am I gonna get accross now?...Shit. Oh well. (Shrugs and does a running jump) Bonzi!!!

(Respawn)

Jaken: What the hell happened?

Kikyo: I have no idea.

Sub-Zero: (Freezes them and repeats the same thing again) Wait...DO'H!

(Respawn number 283)

Jaken: Now this is just getting rediculous!

Kikyo: I know! Where the hell are we anyways?

Jaken: The earth temple remember?

(Indiana Jones starts playing)

Kikyo: Where's that music comming from?

(Sub-Zero runs past them)

Jaken: Isn't that the guy that keeps (Gets stepted on by the earth god)

Kikyo: Oh my Gid! They killed Jaken!

Everybody: HURRAY!

Kikyo: ...Didn't we already use this joke before?

Everybody: (Shrugs before Kikyo is stepted on) Hurray again!

Inu: Watching the TV How the hell did you do that?

The Saiyan: I used magic. And this (Pulls out an Action Replay)

Inu: You cheated?

The Saiyan: Well, I prefer the term 'game enhancement'

Inu: So what now?

The Saiyan: Now we go look for a condom for my wii. I can't play unprotective you know.

Inu: True. Nobody likes playing with an unprotective wii.

Kag and Sango: ENOUGH WITH THE WII JOKES ALREADY!

Sango: Anyways is the story over already?

The Saiyan: Unfortunitly, a lack of creative ideas on my part combined with work and college and wanting to spend time with my girl who also has a fanfiction account. Unfortunitly I forget what her user name is hehehe.

Kag: Some boyfriend...

The Saiyan: Hey! Its not my fault that I have a horrable memory. Well that's all for now remember to review and review some more and did I mention to review? Ya...hintity hint hint. Ja ne!


End file.
